“I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
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- Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.
- I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
- I came in with Halley’s Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don’t go out with Halley’s Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: ‘Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.’
- I can live for two months on a good compliment.
- I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
- I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
- I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.
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