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Quotes by Amy Sedaris

Quotes by Amy Sedaris

  1. I like crafts that are made out of necessity because they’re a little naive – you made it because you needed it.
  2. A lot of crafters, they’re shut-ins.
  3. A lot of times girls think they’re funny, but they want to pretty at the same time, and if you want to be funny, you have to be willing to get ugly.
  4. Books are challenging and inspirational to me.
  5. But I always like to play ugly people who think they’re pretty.
  6. But I love how people who are musical, they know how to dress.
  7. David and Dad didn’t get along too well growing up. I mean we all got along, but it was harder on David, because David wasn’t going to be the son that Dad wanted. But now they’re like best friends.
  8. Don’t make anybody a homemade gift. Unless you’re really good, or it’s going to be really practical. If it’s a little thing you think is cute ’cause you made it, just forget it.
  9. Gay guys know how to craft, and they craft really well. Straight guys, forget it.
  10. I always find something to keep me busy.
  11. I always knew I didn’t want kids, and I didn’t want to get married.
  12. I always liked my teachers, and I was in a lot of after-school projects. I was a Girl Scout until my senior year, when I couldn’t be a Girl Scout anymore. I was in clubs like Junior Achievement, and I ran track and field. My grades were good, but then toward 11th grade they were nothing. I always went to summer school.
  13. I am an aging Girl Scout.
  14. I can’t imagine going to an all-girls school. I went to a public school.
  15. I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they’re attractive.
  16. I failed first grade, which is my biggest problem. You always feel like a failure, like you’re stupid.
  17. I feel confident writing on my feet with improv, but it’s different when you’re sitting down and writing it out.
  18. I feel so free and open to ideas, and I get inspired by everything.
  19. I hate playing pretty or sane people. Most people are not attractive or all there.
  20. I have a couple freeloader friends, but it’s okay. I know they’re gonna come in with their arms flying in the air empty-handed.
  21. I have a lot of fake food in my apartment, but I’m picky about it. Old plaster food, like from the ’50s is really nice, hollowed out paper-mache food from old plays – the new stuff just looks too good.
  22. I have a very muscular face.
  23. I have always wanted a bunny and I’ll always have a rabbit the rest of my life.
  24. I have no desire to carry a movie.
  25. I just like to have the ideas. Other people can help see them through.
  26. I like crafts that come out of poverty or necessity. There used to be hobby shops where you’d get your supplies, and then you’d use your imagination.
  27. I like people who would rather something be discovered than shoved in your face.
  28. I like to decide the night before Thanksgiving that I’m gonna do it, and I’ll see what riff raff is around. Then I get that last-minute surge of energy. But if I had two weeks to plan, sometimes I wish I wasn’t doing it. But very seldom does that happen.
  29. I like to entertain in all aspects. When you’re with somebody and you’re out, you want to be entertained. I like to be around entertaining people. Even if they’re bored, and you’re in a convalescent home, there’s something entertaining about that, in a way.
  30. I like to just make things… If I have the TV on, I’m not just going to sit there. I want to do something with my hands; I’ve always got a project. Or I get a small group of people over, and I say, ‘Let’s make these things today.’
  31. I like to make things, but I looked at old craft books on weaving or mosaics or whatever, I’m like, ‘I don’t really know anything about that stuff.’
  32. I like to play unattractive people who think they’re pretty. You can do what you want, but I prefer to look interesting.
  33. I like working with the public, I like working with food, and I like making cash.
  34. I like working with the public, and I like that it’s really hard work.
  35. I live in the moment.
  36. I love cop shows and crime books and thrillers, and before I die I’m gonna play a cop.
  37. I love costumes. My dream growing up was always to have my own costume and prop shop.
  38. I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, including a rubber turkey, which, during the holidays, I wrap in tinfoil so it appears to have just come out of the oven.
  39. I never really take shortcuts. I was always one of those people who, instead of cutting across someone’s yard on the way home from school, I would go to the end of the block and turn.
  40. I really don’t like going out. I don’t like restaurants because I don’t like the idea of someone, a waitress, being responsible for my evening. I like seconds, and more, and lots of conversation, and I’ve always hated the idea that in a restaurant an evening just ends. I find that incredibly depressing.
  41. I stayed in New York City for the first time, I’d always wanted to do that.
  42. I swear I want to be a food model.
  43. I think it’s still kind of weird to memorize a line, because you’re supposed to ‘be’ this person, you know? So then its like, if I’m really this person, how can I be in the moment if I know there’s just one line I’m supposed to say? It doesn’t feel natural. I always just kind of want to say whatever comes up.
  44. I want witchcraft so bad that I can’t stand it. I have wands in my apartment. And I use them sometimes. I walk into the kitchen with my wand, and I come out with something on a platter and I say, ‘See, magic happens.’ Works every time.
  45. I wasn’t a cliquey person, and I think that’s because I came from a large family. I got along with everybody, and I usually got along with the people that people didn’t like.
  46. I wouldn’t call myself a shut-in. I have the ability to leave my home; I just choose not to. But because I’m such a homebody, it’s important to be surrounded by things I love.
  47. I’d just much rather see an ugly person take the trash out than see somebody really pretty taking the trash out.
  48. I’d rather have a part where you walk into a room and you leave. That’s perfect for me.
  49. I’m always more attracted to the unattractive.
  50. I’m drawn to people who look different. I’m not exploiting. I’m not making fun of them. I’m drawn to them.
  51. I’m gonna do the whole bedroom in camel color – it’s an old lady color.
  52. I’m not a first-place person.
  53. I’m not a good storyteller. I always think I’m going to get interrupted, or something’s going to get edited. I think that comes from being in a large family, so you have to get your story in really quick or someone cuts you off.
  54. I’m not ambitious.
  55. I’m very domestic; I love cleaning. I love cooking. I like waiting on people. I just like to make things. I don’t break that down to be weakness, or the only things women can do, or putting me back 20 years.
  56. If I know I have to memorize lines, I’m really gonna try to memorize lines. It’s hard for me sometimes, because somebody wrote these words and you’re trying really hard to get them the way they said it.
  57. If I put my mind to something, it happens. I do know that’s not necessarily psychic. But I always feel like there’s something around me protecting me.
  58. If I’m creating something for myself, then I want to have fun.
  59. It was more of their quirky show. It was more like a cult show. The ratings weren’t really that high.
  60. More men than women like ‘Strangers With Candy’. Pretty girls don’t like the show. They don’t like to see an ugly lady.
  61. My characters always like themselves.
  62. My father and I have a very good relationship. We always got along. But I always scold him.
  63. My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea market.
  64. My kitchen’s pink, like skin-tone pink, and I lowered my spice rack so it’s eye level – it’s true! – and my phone, so I can reach it when I fall, it’s right there.
  65. My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.
  66. People always think I’m Amy Poehler, which never bothers me. I mean, Amy Poehler is great.
  67. People that know me know that I cook. I cook every night.
  68. People who shop in health food stores never look healthy.
  69. Sometimes, to keep things exciting, I decorate my house as if I owned a child. I’ll toss a tiny pair of shoes in the hallway or lean small wooden crutches in what I refer to as ‘the baby’s room,’ which is actually a tiny space where I make things. I continue to call it the baby’s room because it confuses people and it’s creepy.
  70. There’s humor in everything. There’s gotta be humor in everything.
  71. They just expected it to you know… Paul, Steve and I could have hired our own publicist, if we wanted to, but I kind of liked the way it was more of a cult thing and those that liked it, liked it, you know what I mean?
  72. Usually I’m the one asking somebody to do something because I don’t know how to finish it. I’m like, ‘Do this for me’ because I’m just resistant to learning.
  73. We’re all used to seeing pretty people. I want to see real people.
  74. Well I went to New Orleans to cover the jazz festival for Trio, it’s this new arts channel, it’s really great.
  75. When I’m by myself, I never play music. I have a lot of it, for a girl, but I don’t listen to it a lot. I hate picking music out; I’m not good at it.
  76. When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, ‘Why don’t you make it yourself.’ It’s like chocolate-chip cookies. People buy the cookie-dough roll and slice it, and then they lay it on a cookie sheet. That’s not making chocolate-chip cookies.
  77. Whenever I do your show, sometimes I get a little check in the mail and then I take that check and buy a new pair of shoes, and then I wear those shoes the next time I do your show.
  78. You know when you watch old movies, it’s always the small parts you remember, the character actors who come in like a breath of fresh air.
  79. You think in a different way when you don’t have any money. The joy of poverty is that you use your imagination to come up with stuff.
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