“The American school system’s a little warped, so anyone can get a degree if they have a little money.”
- People want to be friends with someone who likes to have a good time.
- Some celebrities like to get behind water conservation or helping the homeless get back on their feet. Me? Body grooming control: that’s what I like to step behind 100 percent.
- That’s another piece of advice: Don’t go to college; follow your dreams. Unless you’re a doctor – then go to college.
- The American school system’s a little warped, so anyone can get a degree if they have a little money.
- The thing that I think a lot of guys need to know how to do is not take your mother’s advice about honesty being the best policy. Listen to your cool, drunk uncle who tells you to lie. Those are the relationships that last.
- There’s not one thing that inspires me the most. Me and my friends joke around with each other and hang out so much that whatever makes us laugh really hard makes it into ‘Workaholics.’ But the characters that I think are funny are guys that are confidently stupid.
- What happened to me is I gained a little weight so I could be more accessible to people. They’re not like, ‘Oh my God, he’s, like, a male model comedian; yuck, ugh.’ It’s like, ‘Oh, he’s a little squishy; He’s like me. He’s accessible.’ And girls are like, ‘Look how cuddly he is. I just want to cuddle up in his neck fat and go to sleep.’
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