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  3. Posted on Mon, 1 Jan, 2018 at 7:55 PM

I Articles Page 9

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  1. I’d love to interview Mick Jagger, but that might be scary.
  2. I’d love to romance Aishwarya Rai. But I’m 58 now. So I have to play her father.
  3. I’d love to work with Joan Cusack again – I’m obsessed with Joan Cusack.
  4. I’d luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
  5. I’d marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he’d be dead within a year.
  6. I’d never been in a police state. I didn’t know what it was. I knew that it was, in the general way that people know that two and two is four, but it had no emotional value for me until I found myself in the middle of it.
  7. I’d never hurt another person.
  8. I’d never make something pointless that I don’t believe in. I don’t think I could do it.
  9. I’d never written a song before ‘The Blood’; I didn’t know it was going to be a song.
  10. I’d quite like to do a musical. I’d probably have to develop that myself.
  11. I’d rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous.
  12. I’d rather believe in my own choice and see it all go wrong than do something I’m not fully convinced of and later feel guilty about it.
  13. I’d rather break stones on the king’s highway than hem a handkerchief.
  14. I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
  15. I’d rather have a part where you walk into a room and you leave. That’s perfect for me.
  16. I’d rather have friends who care than friends who agree with me.
  17. I’d rather have the influence than the power, and the influence to me is to build institutions of independence and democracy, to regain for Egypt prestige in education and science and technology.
  18. I’d rather learn from one bird how to sing than teach 10,000 stars how not to dance.
  19. I’d rather learn from one bird how to sing than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance.
  20. I’d rather live my life off screen and give only a certain amount of energy to the work.
  21. I’d rather not have anything than be a liar.
  22. I’d rather shut myself in a room for six months than act in a bad movie.
  23. I’d rather support the issues I truly believe in than give my vote to parties that court votes at the time of the election. I like to think that my vote strengthens the green foundation stone.
  24. I’d rather talk to people about their personal spiritual practices or what they believe love is. I’m born to do that. Could I enter into the political realm and dive into that? Sure, but I don’t think I would want to do that.
  25. I’d rather tell you how I really feel.
  26. I’d really like to make my mark in India.
  27. I’d say any good set or any comedy that I’ve worked on, that’s worked, has been comedians pitching ideas back and forth to each other. A lot of like, ‘What if you say this? What about this?’
  28. I’d say I have more shoes than anything else; they’re a good way to update a look. Bags and shoes – it’s like decorating a cake.
  29. I’d say it’s been my biggest problem all my life… it’s money. It takes a lot of money to make these dreams come true.
  30. I’d say that, 99 percent of the time at Nevada, I knew what the coverage was and where I was probably going before the ball was snapped. It makes it very easy when I only had to read one person and know that I was going from here to here, and if not, I’m checking it down.
  31. I’d seen ‘Interview with A Vampire’ and saw Dracula movies growing up, but I never thought, ‘I love vampires; I have to do a show about vampires.’
  32. I’d somehow always thought of the classics of literature as something apart from me, something to do with academic life and not something you enjoyed.
  33. I’d sooner be called a successful crook than a destitute monarch.
  34. I’d still like to see ‘Survivor’ minus the planned show-biz parts. That would be the purest form of show business – I want to see someone so hungry that they eat somebody else’s foot.
  35. I’d still prefer to do five nights at a club than one night at Allstate Arena.
  36. I’d take garbage, and I’d glue them together and create inventions.
  37. Idealism is the noble toga that political gentlemen drape over their will to power.
  38. Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.
  39. Ideally, in the future, you’ll just pay your cable company for the stream, which you’ll be able to watch and manipulate through whatever means on whatever devices you like.
  40. Ideas are elusive, slippery things. Best to keep a pad of paper and a pencil at your bedside, so you can stab them during the night before they get away.
  41. Ideas are like pizza dough, made to be tossed around.
  42. Ideas are only lethal if you suppress and don’t discuss them. Ignorance is not bliss, it’s stupid. Banning books shows you don’t trust your kids to think and you don’t trust yourself to be able to talk to them.
  43. Ideas don’t desert you; ideas aren’t treasonous to you, but people can be.
  44. Ideas emerge when a part of the real or imagined world is studied for its own sake.
  45. Ideas govern the world, or throw it into chaos.
  46. Ideas must be put to the test. That’s why we make things, otherwise they would be no more than ideas. There is often a huge difference between an idea and its realisation. I’ve had what I thought were great ideas that just didn’t work.
  47. Ideas not coupled with action never become bigger than the brain cells they occupied.
  48. Ideas won’t keep; something must be done about them.
  49. Idleness is the beginning of all vice, the crown of all virtues.
  50. Idleness is the parent of psychology.
  51. If 98 out of 100 doctors tell me I’ve got a problem, I should take their advice. And if those two other doctors get paid by Big Snack Food, like certain climate deniers get paid by Big Coal, I shouldn’t take their advice.
  52. If a chick wants to know who makes my shoes, she’s got to take them off my feet and look inside.
  53. If a company knows it may have to pay a large amount of money if it poses an unreasonable threat to others, it will have a strong incentive to act better.
  54. If a country is to be corruption free and become a nation of beautiful minds, I strongly feel there are three key societal members who can make a difference. They are the father, the mother and the teacher.
  55. If a display ad appears “above the fold,” this means that it:
  56. If a display ad has been disapproved, how do you submit a request for another review?
  57. If a dog jumps into your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
  58. If a filter excludes data from a view, that data can never be recovered for that view.
  59. If a financial institution is too big to fail, it is too big to exist.
  60. If a firm hasn’t hired a single female partner in its history, I don’t think it will finally happen by accident.
  61. If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.
  62. If a good mother is one who loves her child more than anyone else in the world, I am not a good mother. I am in fact a bad mother. I love my husband more than I love my children.
  63. If a group of people feels that it has been humiliated and that its honour has been trampled underfoot, it will want to express its identity and this expression of an identity will take different shapes and forms.
  64. If a guy hits .300 every year, what does he have to look forward to? I always tried to stay around .190, with three or four RBI. And I tried to get them all in September. That way I always had something to talk about during the winter.
  65. If a leader doesn’t convey passion and intensity then there will be no passion and intensity within the organization and they’ll start to fall down and get depressed.
  66. If a line of poetry strays into my memory, my skin bristles so that the razor ceases to act.
  67. If a man be gloomy let him keep to himself. No one has the right to go croaking about society, or what is worse, looking as if he stifled grief.
  68. If a man be gracious and courteous to strangers, it shows he is a citizen of the world.
  69. If a man can… make a better mousetrap, the world will make a beaten path to his door.
  70. If a man constantly aspires is he not elevated?
  71. If a man could have half of his wishes, he would double his troubles.
  72. If a man does his best, what else is there?
  73. If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
  74. If a man empties his purse into his head, no one can take it from him.
  75. If a man had more than one life, I think a little hanging would not hurt this one; but after he is once dead, we cannot bring him back, no matter how sorry we may be; so the boy shall be pardoned.
  76. If a man has not discovered something that he will die for, he isn’t fit to live.
  77. If a man is secure enough to allow his partner to go out and express herself, and if he does not feel as ambitious as her, he can be a homemaker also. There is nothing wrong with it.
  78. If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his reverence for all of life.
  79. If a man speaks in a forest, but no woman is around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  80. If a man suffers ill, let it be without shame; for this is the only profit when we are dead. You will never say a good word about deeds that are evil and disgraceful.
  81. If a man walks in the woods for love of them half of each day, he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer. But if he spends his days as a speculator, shearing off those woods and making the earth bald before her time, he is deemed an industrious and enterprising citizen.
  82. If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
  83. If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts, but if he will content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties.
  84. If a man’s character is to be abused there’s nobody like a relative to do the business.
  85. If a man’s wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics.
  86. If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
  87. If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be.
  88. If a novelist tells you something she knows or thinks, and you believe her, that is not because either of you think she is God, but because she is doing her work – as a novelist.
  89. If a patient is cold, if a patient is feverish, if a patient is faint, if he is sick after taking food, if he has a bed-sore, it is generally the fault not of the disease, but of the nursing.
  90. If a person doesn’t change, there’s something really wrong with him.
  91. If a person gets his attitude toward money straight, it will help straighten out almost every other area in his life.
  92. If a poem is each time new, then it is necessarily an act of discovery, a chance taken, a chance that may lead to fulfillment or disaster.
  93. If a problem cannot be solved, enlarge it.
  94. If a product doesn’t have an image available, you should:
  95. If a scene is longer than three pages, it better be for a good reason.
  96. If a song’s about something I’ve experienced or that could’ve happened to me it’s good. But if it’s alien to me, I couldn’t lend anything to it. Because that’s what soul is all about.
  97. If a star or studio chief or any other great movie personages find themselves sitting among a lot of nobodies, they get frightened – as if somebody was trying to demote them.
  98. If a superior give any order to one who is under him which is against that man’s conscience, although he do not obey it yet he shall not be dismissed.
  99. If a university official’s letter accusing a speaker of having a proclivity to commit speech crimes before she’s given the speech – which then leads to Facebook postings demanding that Ann Coulter be hurt, a massive riot and a police-ordered cancellation of the speech – is not hate speech, then there is no such thing as hate speech.
  100. If a user is interested in utilizing JavaScript libraries, where do they reference them?
  101. If a user visits the home page of a website with a video embedded and leaves without clicking on anything, Google Analytics will count this session as a bounce.
  102. If a user watches a video with event tracking three times in a single session, Analytics will count how many Unique Events?
  103. If a woman can, by careful selection of a father and nourishment of herself, produce a citizen with efficient senses, sound organs and a good digestion, she should clearly be secured a sufficient reward for that natural service to make her willing to undertake and repeat it.
  104. If a woman possesses manly virtues one should run away from her; and if she does not possess them she runs away from herself.
  105. If a work of art is rich and vital and complete, those who have artistic instincts will see its beauty, and those to whom ethics appeal more strongly than aesthetics will see its moral lesson. It will fill the cowardly with terror, and the unclean will see in it their own shame.
  106. If a writer knows enough about what he is writing about, he may omit things that he knows. The dignity of movement of an iceberg is due to only one ninth of it being above water.
  107. If Advaniji did not want, I would never have been Prime Minister.
  108. If African farmers can use improved seeds and better practices to grow more crops and get them to market, then millions of families can earn themselves a better living and a better life.
  109. If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
  110. If aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn’t turn out well for the Native Americans.
  111. If all mankind were to disappear, the world would regenerate back to the rich state of equilibrium that existed ten thousand years ago. If insects were to vanish, the environment would collapse into chaos.
  112. If all men knew what others say of them, there would not be four friends in the world.
  113. If all my bridge coach ever told me was that I was ‘satisfactory,’ I would have no hope of ever getting better. How would I know who was the best? How would I know what I was doing differently?
  114. If all of us acted in unison as I act individually there would be no wars and no poverty. I have made myself personally responsible for the fate of every human being who has come my way.
  115. If all our happiness is bound up entirely in our personal circumstances it is difficult not to demand of life more than it has to give.
  116. If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed.
  117. If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion.
  118. If all we remember are good things, then happiness is our baseline, and there’s no longer happiness. We need other feelings in order to appreciate others.
  119. If America has the right to target Osama bin Laden, or terrorists, of course Israel has the right to defend itself from terrorism.
  120. If an advertiser adds affinity audiences and topics to the same targeting group, a TrueView ad will show:
  121. If an advertiser chooses to run ads in image formats, Google will:
  122. If an advertiser has the same keyword in 2 different ad groups, the one entered in a given auction will have the:
  123. If an advertiser improves the Quality Score of a keyword, this keyword may:
  124. If an elderly but distinguished scientist says that something is possible, he is almost certainly right; but if he says that it is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
  125. If an ignorant person is attracted by the things of the world, that is bad. But if a learned person is thus attracted, it is worse.
  126. If an injustice requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then, I say, break the law. Let your life be a counter-friction to stop the government machine.
  127. If any civilization is to survive, it is the morality of altruism that men have to reject.
  128. If any man has left us for fear of Nero, I shall not account him a coward; but I shall hail as a philosopher any man who has been superior to this fear, and I shall teach him all I know.
  129. If any of you should ask me for an epitome of the Christian religion, I should say that it is in one word – prayer. Live and die without prayer, and you will pray long enough when you get to hell.
  130. If any philosopher had been asked for a definition of infinity, he might have produced some unintelligible rigmarole, but he would certainly not have been able to give a definition that had any meaning at all.
  131. If anybody seeks your advice, offer right and sincere advice.
  132. If anyone asks me about songwriting, I guess I’d say that you just gotta do it.
  133. If anyone else played Hermione, it would actually kill me.
  134. If anyone has a vested interest in space solar power, it would have to be me.
  135. If anyone is crazy enough to want to kill a president of the United States, he can do it. All he must be prepared to do is give his life for the president’s.
  136. If anyone thinks they’d rather be in a different part of history, they’re probably not a very good student of history. Life sucked in the old days. People knew very little, and you were likely to die at a young age of some horrible disease. You’d probably have no teeth by now. It would be particularly awful if you were a woman.
  137. If anything, I feel a bit of pressure to write about less disenfranchised people, because I’d probably sell more books that way and would’ve already had some hot property that I could’ve sold to Hollywood.
  138. If anything, I want to please people too much.
  139. If anything, I was a prodigious eater of everything that was put in front of me. That was probably the only thing my parents wouldn’t complain about.
  140. If anything is good for pounding humility into you permanently, it’s the restaurant business.
  141. If anything, my mother taught me how to sur-thrive. That’s my word for it.
  142. If anything, we should feel sorry for the people who want us to feel bad about ourselves, because they are the ones struggling for approval. In middle school, bullies tortured other kids because they thought it would make people like them more.
  143. If apes are given the right to humane treatment, it just might become harder to deny that same right to their human cousins.
  144. If art doesn’t move people, then art has failed.
  145. If art is to nourish the roots of our culture, society must set the artist free to follow his vision wherever it takes him.
  146. If, as a Spaniard, I am so often offended by the stereotypes that abound regarding my country, how can I accept and repeat the ones that fall even more heavily upon Israel?
  147. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  148. If at first you don’t succeed – give up!
  149. If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
  150. If at first you don’t succeed, others do so at your expense.
  151. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving’s not for you!
  152. If bad things are going to be said about me, I have to bear that. If I don’t understand that it’s part of being in show business, then I’d better go work in a bank.
  153. If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that… I believe in what I do, and I’ll say it.
  154. If buying art is to matter to us deeply, then it has to engage with our emotions and bring something to what one might as well, and with no supernatural associations whatsoever, call our souls.
  155. If cars and buses were attacked daily by petrol bombs or stones for 16 months in Washington, could you imagine it would be tolerated? It would not, because in the name of democracy, to preserve democracy, steps would be taken.
  156. If Charlton Heston can have a constitutional right carry a rifle, why can’t grandma have a constitutional right to health care?
  157. If Christ has died for me, ungodly as I am, without strength as I am, then I cannot live in sin any longer, but must arouse myself to love and serve Him who has redeemed me.
  158. If co-operation is a duty, I hold that non-co-operation also under certain conditions is equally a duty.
  159. If companies can refuse to provide coverage for women, what other objections to the Affordable Care Act will we see based on ‘religious grounds’? For that matter, will ‘religious freedom’ be used as an excuse to discriminate against other minorities and disenfranchised groups across the board? Where will it end?
  160. If Congress can move President’s Day, Columbus Day and, alas, Martin Luther King’s Birthday celebration for the convenience of shoppers, shouldn’t they at least consider moving Election Day for the convenience of voters?
  161. If consumers were more empowered, they would take more responsibility for their health.
  162. If credit unions can grow and prosper with a 15 percent cap, so can banks.
  163. If danger arises in the present moment, there may be an emotion. There may even be pain. But that’s a challenge, not a problem. For a problem to exist, you need time and repetitive mind activity.
  164. If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
  165. If Ed Sheeran covered my songs, I would die. That would be unbelievable.
  166. If egotism means a terrific interest in one’s self, egotism is absolutely essential to efficient living.
  167. If enough people would come out the right wing, the extremists couldn’t dominate.
  168. If ever I feel the soul within me elevate and expand to those dimensions not wholly unworthy of its Almighty Architect, it is when I contemplate the cause of my country, deserted by all the world beside, and I standing up boldly and lone and hurling defiance at her victorious oppressors.
  169. If ever there were a candidate destined to shine on ‘The Oprah Winfrey Show,’ Sarah Palin would be that woman.
  170. If every choice you make comes from an honest place, you’re solid, and nothing anybody can say about you can rock you or change your opinion.
  171. If everybody is happy, then something is wrong with the democratic process.
  172. If everybody that voted in 2008 shows up in 2010, we will win this election. We will win this election.
  173. If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there’d be peace.
  174. If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.
  175. If everyone were a good person, it’d obviously be a better world.
  176. If ‘everything happens for a reason,’ then every act of evil is ultimately God’s doing.
  177. If everything was good, maybe I wouldn’t have a career. I wouldn’t have anything to make fun of.
  178. If everything was perfect, you would never learn and you would never grow.
  179. If evil be spoken of you and it be true, correct yourself, if it be a lie, laugh at it.
  180. If Facebook gets your entire social graph, you don’t necessarily want to share everything with your entire social graph. You might wanna parse that social graph. So there’s a company called PASS that is a private social network that I personally use for my friends and my family.
  181. If fame belonged to me, I could not escape her; if she did not, the longest day would pass me on the chase, and the approbation of my dog would forsake me then. My barefoot rank is better.
  182. If fortune favors you do not be elated; if she frowns do not despond.
  183. If four things are followed – having a great aim, acquiring knowledge, hard work, and perseverance – then anything can be achieved.
  184. If giving points to some students to achieve greater diversity is a quota system in violation of the Constitution, how can the awarding of points to the children of a less diverse alumni be upheld?
  185. If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 MPG.
  186. If God can bring blessing from the broken body of Jesus and glory from something that’s obscene as the cross, He can bring blessing from my problems and my pain and my unanswered prayer.
  187. If God can work through me, he can work through anyone.
  188. If God doesn’t punish America, He’ll have to apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah.
  189. If, God forbid, a war with Iran breaks out, it will be a nightmare. And we will all be in it, including the Persian Gulf countries and Saudi Arabia. No one will remain unscathed.
  190. If God gives you a watch, are you honoring Him more by asking Him what time it is or by simply consulting the watch?
  191. If God gives you chocolate, you open your mouth, no?
  192. If God had meant Harvard professors to appear in People magazine, She wouldn’t have invented The New York Review of Books.
  193. If God is just, I tremble for my country.
  194. If God is not sending earthquakes, destroying economies and inflicting pain upon human beings, what is God doing? God works through people, calling them to help their neighbors in need. God comforts His people, walking with them even ‘through the valley of the shadow of death.’
  195. If God were suddenly condemned to live the life which He has inflicted upon men, He would kill Himself.
  196. If Google decided at any point to publish my search history, or your search history, or anyone’s search history, there’s a litany of things they could idea police you about, and if it was published, you would be publicly shamed. Everyone would be publicly shamed. But we trust Google, and we trust the people that run that company.
  197. If Hank Williams Jr. wasn’t such a pathetic, wheezing fossil, I’d have a talk with him.
  198. If he invited you out, he’s got to pay.
  199. If history and science have taught us anything, it is that passion and desire are not the same as truth.
  200. If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience.
  201. If Hitler invaded hell I would make at least a favourable reference to the devil in the House of Commons.
  202. If human beings were shown what they’re really like, they’d either kill one another as vermin, or hang themselves.
  203. If humanity doesn’t land on Mars in my lifetime, I would be very disappointed.
  204. If I advocate cautious optimism it is not because I do not have faith in the future but because I do not want to encourage blind faith.
  205. If I am anorexic, I’d be in the hospital! I am tall. I am 5 foot 9 inches, 175 cms tall. I am lean, I am active and athletic. There are so many women who are naturally lean, and so am I. I have been like this for the longest time.
  206. If I am constantly working, my relationships fail. So at least now I can have enough time to write a happy record. And be in love and be happy. And then I don’t know what I’ll do. Get married. Have some kids. Plant a nice vegetable patch.
  207. If I am going somewhere exotic, I take an empty suitcase with me to bring back the objects I fall in love with.
  208. If I am in a beautiful place, but I don’t like the people, I am miserable.
  209. If I am making a spice rub or a spice mix for a braise or even just to crust a piece of fish, I’ll use mustard seeds. If you soak them in a little bit of vinegar and let them get plumped and soft and then you puree them, they’re delicious.
  210. If I am shot at, I want no man to be in the way of the bullet.
  211. If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself.
  212. If I am writing a movie and I am stuck, I can call the studio and tell them it’s delayed. You can’t do that with television – you have air dates to meet.
  213. If I avoid anything, it’s that I don’t really go to places that are like a little corner of England. I also never mind going to a dance show because I love it all so much.
  214. If I can be in a place where my image is encouraging people to see different people behind the camera, and my image and the images I make can help open up a certain world view, I think that’s all a part of a larger spirit of change and progress, and I’m happy to be part of it.
  215. If I can bicycle, I bicycle.
  216. If I can center down and strengthen the core of who I am, and the core of who I am is my relationship with God, then that helps me maintain peace deep down. If I can maintain a healthy spiritual core, I think that’s enormous for helping the stress.
  217. If I can get my dress on, my weight is under control.
  218. If I can help a kid feel more comfortable in their skin because they’re struggling with maybe the things I struggled with in high school, that’s great.
  219. If I can make programmes when I’m 95, that would be fine. But I would think I’ll have had enough by then.
  220. If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.
  221. If I can’t do something for the public good, what the hell am I doing?
  222. If I can’t even be bothered to brush my hair, I don’t think I should start getting face work… I think it would look a bit try-hard.
  223. If I can’t get the girl, at least give me more money.
  224. If I close my eyes and think of Hollywood, all I see is one big varicose vein.
  225. If I could be doing anything, I’d be laying on the floor in my birthday suit eating junk food and watching something dumb on TV.
  226. If I could drink only one wine, it would be Champagne.
  227. If I could find the right kind of property, get tied in with the right movie, I’d love to be involved, but I just find it hard to be motivated to do another screenplay right now.
  228. If I could get a deal on whatever my impulse was, whenever my impulse struck, and it was nearby, I would use that all the time. It would reshape the way that I shop.
  229. If I could give you information of my life, it would be to show how a woman of very ordinary ability has been led by God in strange and unaccustomed paths to do In His service what He has done in her. And if I could tell you all, you would see how God has done all, and I nothing.
  230. If I could have grown up to be Robin Thicke, I would have. But I’m glad somebody in the family did.
  231. If I could, I would not do anything else. I’d just be in the studio for my whole life. I would never go to parties, events, and red carpets. I would rather just be in the studio for the whole time. I don’t even care. Nobody has to know what I look like. I just want to make music.
  232. If I could only follow one person on Twitter, it would be Heidi Moore. She’s a financial journalist at NPR’s Marketplace.
  233. If I could play the ukulele like Zooey Deschanel, I would find my own personal M. Ward, and we would do a side album; but I don’t, you know?
  234. If I could sell 500 million records every time, it would be great. But I’ve also had the luxury experience of having it when I was a teenager, in a very kind of model version of it.
  235. If I could take back all the mistakes that I made throughout my career, I would have had a perfect career. I would have missed no shots. I would have made no turnovers. I would have went right instead of going left when I was supposed to, every game.
  236. If I could wear any label forever it would be Burberry. It covers a huge span of stuff. You can’t go wrong with a classic trench and a pair of jeans.
  237. If I dabble in too many things and don’t focus on channelizing my energy into one thing, I might mess it up.
  238. If I did all the stuff I’ve been accused of – or credited with – there’s no way I could make all this music. I’d be drinking myself into the grave.
  239. If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.
  240. If I didn’t have my camera to remind me constantly, I am here to do this, I would eventually have slipped away, I think. I would have forgotten my reason to exist.
  241. If I didn’t have my films as an outlet for all the different sides of me, I would probably be locked up.
  242. If I didn’t like poor people, why would I come and tell them how to make their lives better?
  243. If I didn’t love it, I would not record it.
  244. If I died tomorrow, I would be a happy girl.
  245. If I do find myself walking up the aisle and dancing at my own wedding reception, I want the first dance to be both spontaneous and dramatic.
  246. If I do something related to English music, it will be definitely in the direction of R&B and pop.
  247. If I do something that depresses, it’s not because I’m depressed, but because political life and history is depressing.
  248. If I don’t believe it, then they don’t need me on the court. I’ve just got to believe that in my heart.
  249. If I don’t do something constructive every day, I feel like I have wasted my time, and I almost feel guilty for not doing something I could have learned from.
  250. If I don’t get along with Democrats, I’m sort of, like, out of business.
  251. If I don’t have words, it’s a sign I’m not reading enough.
  252. If I don’t think about it, it won’t drive me crazy.
  253. If I end up hosting ‘Joker’s Wild,’ please shoot me.
  254. If I ever felt like I was getting lost in the hurricane that was storming around Nirvana, I’d just go back to Virginia.
  255. If I ever wrote a book on preaching, it would contain three words: Preach the Word. Get rid of all the other stuff that gets you sidetracked; preach the Word.
  256. If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people’s choices. If I feel good about my body, I don’t go around making fun of other people’s weight or appearance. We’re hard on each other because we’re using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived deficiency.
  257. If I feel insecure, then I am in the wrong profession. I have to trust my director and the material he has given me.
  258. If I feel like someone’s trying to bring me down, I just walk away from it.
  259. If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.
  260. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.
  261. If I get hit by a bus tomorrow, my patients will not even be postponed. Another surgeon would step in and take over. The reason to do research and writing is that it at least makes me feel not entirely replaceable. If I didn’t write, I don’t know if I would do surgery.
  262. If I get married, I think I’d pick out a newspaperman rather than a millionaire. A newspaperman is a regular fellow.
  263. If I get married, I want to be very married.
  264. If I get sued for keeping people safe and getting people in from the cold because they were endangering themselves, then so be it.
  265. If I get the forty additional years statisticians say are likely coming to me, I could fit in at least one, maybe two new lifetimes. Sad that only one of those lifetimes can include being the mother of young children.
  266. If I give five flops, I won’t get a job. You have to perform at the box office when you are at the top. No one is running a charity here. People are putting huge amounts of money to make movies, and they want the films to be successful. They have invested money in you, so it is your duty to make sure the film does well.
  267. If I go to a party, I’m not one to be the funniest person in the room at all.
  268. If I got a football scholarship, I was going to be a football player.
  269. If I got the option of going into outer space and hanging out there for a day and then coming back home and dying the next day, or just waiting around to see if there’s any opportunity for the technology to develop so that I might experience outer space sometime in the future, I would probably take the ride today and die tomorrow.
  270. If I had a free afternoon, I would play music, sit in my backyard, and drink coffee.
  271. If I had a project that I had auditioned for and I was getting close to getting it, I didn’t want to tell anybody because I thought then I wouldn’t get it, but in reality that really had no bearing on whether or not I got a part.
  272. If I had a talent, it was for looking askew at everything, possibly more than my contemporaries. But I had to really push myself to be a writer.
  273. If I had a time machine, I’d visit Marilyn Monroe in her prime or drop in on Galileo as he turned his telescope to the heavens.
  274. If I had been a member of the academic establishment, I could have done other experiments.
  275. If I had been at an assembly line for films, I don’t know if I would be the best driver. I think I would have crashed the car.
  276. If I had learned more about business ahead of time, I would have been shaped into believing that it was only about finances and quality management.
  277. If I had liked you in the first place, I’d have gone off you by now.
  278. If I had my way, I’d end all wars and poverty. We should all be more aware of what’s going on in the world around us and less ignorant.
  279. If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.
  280. If I had permitted my failures, or what seemed to me at the time a lack of success, to discourage me I cannot see any way in which I would ever have made progress.
  281. If I had remained in Lhasa, even without the Chinese occupation, I would probably have carried the ceremonial role in some orthodox way.
  282. If I had that nose full of nickels, I’d be a rich man.
  283. If I had the choice to travel to two places in Europe, it would be Paris and London.
  284. If I had to choose a superhero to be, I would pick Superman. He’s everything that I’m not.
  285. If I had to choose, I would always take the less dynamic, indeed even the lazy person who knows what’s right than the zealot in the cause of error. He may move slower, but he’s headed in the right direction.
  286. If I had to describe myself to an alien I’d say I was bigger than the average human, enjoy a drink or two with a good meal and have a bigger head than most. I’d also say I’m really handsome – especially if they were a female alien.
  287. If I had to give up cheese or chocolate, I’d give up chocolate in a heartbeat.
  288. If I hadn’t been a singer, I might have been a photographer or an artist. But it’s singing I love. I sing all the time, and I feel really good that I’ve expressed myself.
  289. If I hadn’t been a woman, I’d be a drag queen for sure. I like all that flair and I’d be dressing up in them high heels and putting on the big hair. I’d be like Ru Paul.
  290. If I hadn’t been so outspoken, Jimmy Carter wouldn’t have wanted me.
  291. If I hadn’t done ‘Harry Potter,’ I would have gone and done years of art. I really do love it, and I’d love to write.
  292. If I hadn’t given my money away, I’d have had more than anyone else on the planet.
  293. If I have a spare second, I usually catch up on the many magazines I’m behind on or watch the latest movies on demand that I usually missed at the theater. I love magazines. My top three: Graydon Carter’s ‘Vanity Fair’, Adam Moss’ ‘New York magazine’ and David Remnick’s ‘New Yorker.’
  294. If I have a stupid day, everything looks wrong to me.
  295. If I have a thousand ideas and only one turns out to be good, I am satisfied.
  296. If I have any justification for having lived it’s simply, I’m nothing but faults, failures and so on, but I have tried to make a good pair of shoes. There’s some value in that.
  297. If I have anything to say against Obama it’s not because I’m a racist, it’s because I don’t like what he’s doing as President and anybody should be able to feel that way, but what I find now is that if you say anything against him you’re called a racist.
  298. If I have brought any message today, it is this: Have the courage to have your wisdom regarded as stupidity. Be fools for Christ. And have the courage to suffer the contempt of the sophisticated world.
  299. If I have learned anything, it is to keep my wife happy by sending her lavish gifts. Other men can learn from my success and send their wives and girlfriends fresh flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine’s Day.
  300. If I have my health I can carry on. There will be a point when I do quit but I have absolutely no idea when that is.
  301. If I have the option, I always read the paper or a book or something I can touch and destroy in my own hands.
  302. If I have to advise our brothers in France, I’ll tell them one thing – move to Israel, as early as possible. I say that to Jews all around the world, but there I think it’s a must and they have to move immediately.
  303. If I have to run to put myself in the hospital, if I have to run that hard, that’s how hard I’ll have to run.
  304. If I haven’t any talent for writing books or newspaper articles, well, then I can always write for myself.
  305. If I hear someone say something, and they’re 100 per cent about it, then it’s almost inevitable that I’ll take the opposite view. I guess I feel at odds with things like society. Absolutism is always a trigger for me.
  306. If I heard someone else singing like me, I would buy it in a heartbeat.
  307. If I hit a man, his head is gonna go into the bleachers.
  308. If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life.
  309. If I know I have to memorize lines, I’m really gonna try to memorize lines. It’s hard for me sometimes, because somebody wrote these words and you’re trying really hard to get them the way they said it.
  310. If I know I’m at genetically high risk of Alzheimer’s, maybe I don’t plan to retire at 80, and maybe I’m more proactive about where I’m going to live and who’s going to take care of me.
  311. If I know something’s expected of me, I won’t wear it or do it. It just seems boring.
  312. If I know the guy is not interested, I don’t fall in love. This is my safety.
  313. If I lead my life according to someone else, I’ve screwed my life up.
  314. If I like a thing, it just sticks after once reading it or hearing it.
  315. If I love a comic but they have an off night, who am I to say they should have taken out this or added that? It doesn’t work that way… I have no interest in hurting people’s feelings.
  316. If I love you, I show you I love you every day. Little things, big things.
  317. If I make a fool of myself, who cares? I’m not frightened by anyone’s perception of me.
  318. If I messed up at the Oscars, I wouldn’t be invited back.
  319. If I own a large part of Scotland, I can turn the people off the land practically into the sea or across the sea. I can take women in child-bearing and throw them into the snow and leave them there. That has been done. I can do it for no better reason than I think it is better to shoot deer on the land than allow people to live on it.
  320. If I place love above everything, it is because for me it is the most desperate, the most despairing state of affairs imaginable.
  321. If I put my mind to something, it happens. I do know that’s not necessarily psychic. But I always feel like there’s something around me protecting me.
  322. If I put myself on the ballot and even 50 people voted for me, it’d be a travesty.
  323. If I read a book and it makes my whole body so cold no fire can ever warm me, I know that is poetry.
  324. If I read a book that impresses me, I have to take myself firmly by the hand, before I mix with other people; otherwise they would think my mind rather queer.
  325. If I read the small print, and I see that what I love to taste has pantonaponamene or fake smeinlioaimine, then I have to hide in my room when I eat it. I’m still gonna eat it, it’s just gonna be ‘Don’t come in here!’
  326. If I really felt like I was the world’s greatest athlete, I’d get 10 great events. But I know that’s pretty much not possible. That’s the toughness of the decathlon.
  327. If I said I would knock out Sonny Liston in 1 minute and 49 seconds of the first round, that would hurt the gate.
  328. If I see a mountain, I just pick up and hike it.
  329. If I see an ending, I can work backward.
  330. If I see something sagging, bagging or dragging I’ll get it nipped, tucked or sucked.
  331. If I seem to boast more than is becoming, my excuse is that I brag for humanity rather than for myself.
  332. If I shall exist eternally, how shall I exist tomorrow?
  333. If I spent all my time criticising myself, I wouldn’t be able to function. There are actors who theorise till the cows come home. I haven’t the patience for them. It’s maybe shallow, but that’s why I’ll never be part of the acting set.
  334. If I start a film of my own, then what I eliminate is acting in other people’s movies. Because once I start, and I go raise the money, it’s about two and a half or three years, and I can’t stop. I have people hired. I can’t say, ‘Ooh there’s a good part called ‘Drive’; I’ll see you in three months.’
  335. If I think more about death than some other people, it is probably because I love life more than they do.
  336. If I told people that I knew what I was doing, nobody would believe me, so why even try and fake it?
  337. If I took myself too seriously, I would be a mess every day because the world keeps my ego in check.
  338. If I train well and stay focused, I’m confident I can deliver when the time comes.
  339. If I turn out to be particularly clear, you’ve probably misunderstood what I’ve said.
  340. If I use the word ‘khichdi’ in my novel, I don’t have to get into the trouble of explaining that it is a dish of rice and lentils. My Indian readers know it.
  341. If I waited till I felt like writing, I’d never write at all.
  342. If I walked into the kitchen without washing my hands as a kid, I’d hear a loud ‘A-hem!’ from my mother or grandmother. Now I count on other people to do the same.
  343. If I want to be alone, some place I can write, I can read, I can pray, I can cry, I can do whatever I want – I go to the bathroom.
  344. If I want to be called ‘The Rock,’ I’ll be called ‘The Rock.’ If I want to go back to wrestling, I’ll go back to wrestling.
  345. If I wanted to develop a scenario to destroy America, I would do what the Republicans are doing. Take the brightest and best young black men off the streets, put them in jail, make them meaner than hell for 8 or 10 years and then turn them lose in a society where there are plenty of guns for them to play with.
  346. If I was afraid of being killed, I would never speak out against the government.
  347. If I was just to shut up, I wouldn’t be a true artist.
  348. If I was sharp in every area, I might be too big-headed or something.
  349. If I was the governor of New Jersey, the George Washington Bridge would not have been shut.
  350. If I wasn’t a designer, I would love to be a doctor. That is my fantasy, my dream. A doctor will give you a tablet if you have a headache, and I will give you a dress, and we both make you feel good.
  351. If I wasn’t Bob Dylan, I’d probably think that Bob Dylan has a lot of answers myself.
  352. If I went to somewhere busy, I wouldn’t last very long. I can’t go to a museum – I’ll last 10 or 15 minutes in a museum. The problem is that when one person asks for a photograph, then someone sees a flash goes off, then everyone else sort of… it’s sort of like a domino effect.
  353. If I were a liberal Democrat, people would say I’m the super genius of all time. The super genius of all time. If you’re a conservative Republican, you’ve got to fight for your life. It’s really an amazing thing.
  354. If I were a Negro, I’d be fighting, as Martin Luther King fought, for human recognition and justice. I’d rather go down with my flag flying. If you’re weak or crippled, or you can’t speak out or fight back in some way, then people don’t hesitate to treat you badly.
  355. If I were a Roman Catholic, I should turn a heretic, in sheer desperation, because I would rather go to heaven than go to purgatory.
  356. If I were a woman, I’d simply refuse to speak to any man or do anything for men until I’d got the vote.
  357. If I were a writer and not a singer in 10 years, I don’t know how I’d feel about writing really personal songs and getting someone else to sing them.
  358. If I were again beginning my studies, I would follow the advice of Plato and start with mathematics.
  359. If I were dropped out of a plane into the ocean and told the nearest land was a thousand miles away, I’d still swim. And I’d despise the one who gave up.
  360. If I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself.
  361. If I were happy, married with six children, I wouldn’t be writing. And I doubt if I should want to.
  362. If I were immersed in constant melancholy, I would not be who I am.
  363. If I were in the government, I would persuade the prime minister to see the beauty in the fact that people see Israel as a haven – from their sadness to their hope.
  364. If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music.
  365. If I were not Alexander, I would be Diogenes.
  366. If I were planning to be stranded on a desert island, I wouldn’t take Freud’s books with me, because I’ve already read them all.
  367. If I were the blushing kind, I would blush to be called a hero.
  368. If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn’t be funny.
  369. If I were to say, ‘God, why me?’ about the bad things, then I should have said, ‘God, why me?’ about the good things that happened in my life.
  370. If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business.
  371. If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
  372. If I weren’t doing the politics, I wouldn’t be doing my job.
  373. If I weren’t involved with food, I’d be working in architecture. Design is that critical to me.
  374. If I weren’t performing, I’d be a beauty editor or a therapist. I love creativity, but I also love to help others. My mother was a hairstylist, and they listen to everyone’s problems – like a beauty therapist!
  375. If I wish to compose or write or pray or preach well, I must be angry. Then all the blood in my veins is stirred, and my understanding is sharpened.
  376. If I won a second Olympic title, maybe I would be tempted to go after a third.
  377. If I won the lottery I’d start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.
  378. If I won the lottery tomorrow, I probably would never work again.
  379. If I would make a song dedicated to any woman, it would have to be my mom because, you know, she’s been there since I came out of her. She would have to be the one… my mom or my daughter.
  380. If I write badly about blacks, homosexuals and women, it is because of these who I met were that. There are many ‘bads’ – bad dogs, bad censorship; there are even ‘bad’ white males. Only, when you write about ‘bad’ white males, they don’t complain about it. And need I say that there are ‘good’ blacks, ‘good’ homosexuals and ‘good’ women?
  381. If I’d had good discipline, I might have gone into music.
  382. If I’d had some set idea of a finish line, don’t you think I would have crossed it years ago?
  383. If I’d married someone in show business, there’d be too much competition.
  384. If I’d observed all the rules, I’d never have got anywhere.
  385. If I’m a genre writer, I’m at the edge. In the end, they do work like genre fiction. You have a hero, there’s a love interest, there’s always a chase, there’s fighting of some kind. You don’t have to do that in a novel. But you do in a genre novel.
  386. If I’m a great artisan of the kitchen, it’s because I don’t buy my sauces.
  387. If I’m a star, then the people made me a star.
  388. If I’m able to use my voice to do good in the world then I definitely want to do that.
  389. If I’m being honest, I think I’d be good at television; I just don’t know if I am interested, because you are kind of geographically responsible to a location, and frankly I don’t know if I retired from tennis so that I could sit around tennis tournaments 12 hours a day.
  390. If I’m breathing in 2016, I’ll be happy.
  391. If I’m creating something for myself, then I want to have fun.
  392. If I’m doing my hair myself, I just wash it and let it naturally dry. I’m actually quite good at doing hair; if I wear it up I usually do it myself.
  393. If I’m going down I’m taking somebody with me.
  394. If I’m going to act in someone’s movie, I want the movie to be interesting and be able to get a couple of solid doubles.
  395. If I’m going to do something, I’m going to spend however long it takes to get it right.
  396. If I’m gonna go down I’m gonna do it with style. You won’t hear me surrender, you won’t hear me confess cause you’ve left me with nothing but I have worked with less.
  397. If I’m hip, we’ve got a problem in this country. I really shouldn’t be held up as any model of hipness. If anything, I think I’m sort of old school in my approach to objective reporting and not wearing my opinion on my sleeve. There’s a lot of that in American TV news these days. Too much, in fact.
  398. If I’m honest I have to tell you I still read fairy-tales and I like them best of all.
  399. If I’m in a political argument, I think I can, with reasonable accuracy and without boasting, put the other person’s side of the case at least as well as they could. One has to be able to say that in any well-conducted argument.
  400. If I’m in Rome for only 48 hours, I would consider it a sin against God to not eat cacio e pepe, the most uniquely Roman of pastas, in some crummy little joint where Romans eat. I’d much rather do that than go to the Vatican. That’s Rome to me.
  401. If I’m in the ‘hood, I like Chef Creole’s Haitian rice and stewed chicken.
  402. If I’m kind of an outsider, it just happened that way, and people responded to it.
  403. If I’m not doing something or working on something, I literally just sit in the room and think, which I don’t think is productive. I won’t go outside for days.
  404. If I’m not getting older and more mature at 31, then something’s wrong.
  405. If I’m on set and there’s no other option, I get on a treadmill, but that’s my most hated thing.
  406. If I’m serious about patients and their GPs being able to have more control of their health care, I can’t have a top-down system that imposes restrictions on the services they need.
  407. If I’m so popular, why did they replace me with Tommy Thayer?
  408. If I’m the people’s poet, then I ought to be in people’s hands – and, I hope, in their heart.
  409. If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
  410. If, in 2014, we’re still making ‘white savior movies,’ then it’s just lazy and unfortunate. We’ve grown up as a country, and cinema should be able to reflect what’s true. And what’s true is that black people are the center of their own lives and should tell their own stories from their own perspectives.
  411. If in prayer I come before a throne of grace, the faults of my prayer will be overlooked.
  412. If in the twilight of memory we should meet once more, we shall speak again together and you shall sing to me a deeper song.
  413. If India is not secular, then India is not India at all.
  414. If insurance companies paid for lifestyle-management classes, they would save huge sums of money. We need to see that alternative medicine is now mainstream.
  415. If intelligence had anything to do with the voting process, then all the smart people would vote the same.
  416. If it be a sin to covet honor, I am the most offending soul.
  417. If it bleeds, we can kill it.
  418. If it had been possible to build the Tower of Babel without climbing it, it would have been permitted.
  419. If it is a first offense, you ground them and have a talk. The second offense would call for counseling.
  420. If it is surely the means to the highest end we know, can any work be humble or disgusting? Will it not rather be elevating as a ladder, the means by which we are translated?
  421. If it is to be it is up to me.
  422. If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger.
  423. If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.
  424. If it looks like there’s nothing to worry about, that’s when you really have to worry.
  425. If it looks like your grandma’s bedsheets, I’ll put it on my body.
  426. If it makes you cry, it goes in the show.
  427. If it takes me 10 years to be the musician I want to be, great.
  428. If it was a great script and a great character, I would love to do a romantic comedy.
  429. If it wasn’t for my sport and my father, I’d probably be a fallen statistic. I’d be dead; I’d be in jail. Luckily, I had a great dad in my life.
  430. If it weren’t for painting, I wouldn’t live; I couldn’t bear the extra strain of things.
  431. If it weren’t for the Beatles, I would not be a musician.
  432. If it weren’t for the mentorship and guidance from people like my mother, James Brown and others, I wouldn’t have been able to make something of my life.
  433. If it’s a good movie, the sound could go off and the audience would still have a perfectly clear idea of what was going on.
  434. If it’s comfy, it probably doesn’t look good.
  435. If it’s hard to remember, it’ll be difficult to forget.
  436. If it’s not messy and it doesn’t drip over the sides, it’s not a holiday hot chocolate -it’s just an average hot chocolate.
  437. If it’s total freedom, I guess the ultimate thing you can go into is total silence between the audience and performer, with the performer projecting something he doesn’t even have to play.
  438. If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
  439. If it’s very painful for you to criticize your friends – you’re safe in doing it. But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that’s the time to hold your tongue.
  440. If it’s worth fighting for…it’s worth fighting dirty for.
  441. If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.
  442. If I’ve gone to the market on Saturday, and I go another time on Tuesday, then I’m really prepared. I can cook a little piece of fish; I can wilt some greens with garlic; I can slice tomatoes and put a little olive oil on. It’s effortless.
  443. If I’ve got a good pinch-hitter, I hate to have him stay on the bench with men on the bases in an early inning. He may end the game right there.
  444. If James Franco’s wearing a costume, and I’m wearing a motion capture suit, we don’t act any differently with each other because of what we’re wearing. We’re embodying our roles.
  445. If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam – oh wait, he does.
  446. If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
  447. If liberty and equality, as is thought by some, are chiefly to be found in democracy, they will be best attained when all persons alike share in government to the utmost.
  448. If life doesn’t offer a game worth playing, then invent a new one.
  449. If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.
  450. If, like me, nothing is more important to you than our children’s future, then their opportunities must be protected.
  451. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat.
  452. If man made himself the first object of study, he would see how incapable he is of going further. How can a part know the whole?
  453. If mass media, social isolation in the suburbs, alienating workplaces and long car commutes create a bunker mentality, the Internet does the opposite.
  454. If men can develop weapons that are so terrifying as to make the thought of global war include almost a sentence for suicide, you would think that man’s intelligence and his comprehension… would include also his ability to find a peaceful solution.
  455. If men could regard the events of their own lives with more open minds, they would frequently discover that they did not really desire the things they failed to obtain.
  456. If misery loves company, misery has company enough.
  457. If MSNBC went off the air tomorrow, what difference would it make? If the ‘Huffington Post’ went out of business tomorrow, what difference would it make?
  458. If music be the food of love, play on.
  459. If my art has nothing to do with people’s pain and sorrow, what is ‘art’ for?
  460. If my boyfriend finds me sexy, then I don’t need that kind of male attention from anyone else.
  461. If my cuisine were to be defined by just one taste, it would be that of subtle, aromatic, extra-virgin olive oil.
  462. If my grandchildren were to look at me and say, ‘You were aware species were disappearing and you did nothing, you said nothing’, that I think is culpable. I don’t know how much more they expect me to be doing, I’d better ask them.
  463. If my life was a movie, no one would believe it.
  464. If my life wasn’t funny, it would just be true, and that’s unacceptable.
  465. If my mother hadn’t encouraged me, I would be nervous and feeling like I’m doing something wrong.
  466. If my parents were still alive, they would be very proud. They gave me a good start in life, the values that have driven me, and the confidence to believe in myself.
  467. If my poetry aims to achieve anything, it’s to deliver people from the limited ways in which they see and feel.
  468. If my role in a film is meaty, and I get a good song along with it, then why not?
  469. If my survival caused another to perish, then death would be sweeter and more beloved.
  470. If my world were to cave in tomorrow, I would look back on all the pleasures, excitements and worthwhilenesses I have been lucky enough to have had. Not the sadness, not my miscarriages or my father leaving home, but the joy of everything else. It will have been enough.
  471. If no title tag and/or meta description is specified for webpage, Google will generate one automatically using the content on the page.
  472. If nothing else, the Internet allows people to put their ideas out there and let the world decide whether they’re worth paying attention to.
  473. If O.J. had been accused of killing his black wife, you would not have seen the same passion stirred up.
  474. If once you forfeit the confidence of your fellow-citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem.
  475. If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
  476. If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.
  477. If one comes across sometimes as being cold or brusque, it’s simply because I’m striving for the best.
  478. If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.
  479. If one does not understand a person, one tends to regard him as a fool.
  480. If one had but a single glance to give the world, one should gaze on Istanbul.
  481. If one has a good disposition, what other virtue is needed? If a man has fame, what is the value of other ornamentation?
  482. If one has been blessed or have been fortunate enough to have got much more than normal wealth, it is but natural that one expects a certain fiduciary responsibility in terms of how that wealth is applied, used and leveraged for purposes of society.
  483. If one is forever cautious, can one remain a human being?
  484. If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities.
  485. If one is to be called a liar, one may as well make an effort to deserve the name.
  486. If one of your display ad groups isn’t serving due to incorrect target and bid settings, what should you do?
  487. If one oversteps the bounds of moderation, the greatest pleasures cease to please.
  488. If one plays good music, people don’t listen and if one plays bad music people don’t talk.
  489. If one sticks too rigidly to one’s principles, one would hardly see anybody.
  490. If one tends to be a humorous person and you have a sense of humor the rest of your life then you can certainly lighten the load, I think, by bringing that to your trials and tribulations. It’s easy to have a sense of humor when everything is going well.
  491. If one way be better than another, that you may be sure is nature’s way.
  492. If one were to take the bible seriously one would go mad. But to take the bible seriously, one must be already mad.
  493. If only Al Sharpton were around, Lincoln would have known he was a victim of racism.
  494. If only life could be a little more tender and art a little more robust.
  495. If only Queen Elizabeth II had the intellectual, political and linguistic skills of Queen Elizabeth I, many people would support giving her some of the powers of an elected president.
  496. If only shame were a reliable engine for behavior modification. All it does is make me feel bad, which inspires me to bust open a bag of cheese popcorn, which then makes me feel crappy about my weight.
  497. If only the human body could handle trauma as well as biotechnology stocks do.
  498. If only the people who worry about their liabilities would think about the riches they do possess, they would stop worrying.
  499. If our condition were truly happy, we would not seek diversion from it in order to make ourselves happy.
  500. If our lives are made up of a string of a thousand moments, at some of those moments we look a lot more spiritually evolved than at others.
  501. If outsider perspectives made ‘Lord of the Rings’ and ‘Dark Knight’ into fantastic franchises, imagine what would happen if you brought in the perspectives of women and people of color.
  502. If, over time, patients don’t go to some services, then progressively they become less viable, so you do arrive at a point where the conclusion is: ‘These are the right services for the future, and this is capacity we don’t need.’
  503. If Pakistan claims to be a crucial partner in the international coalition against terrorism, how can it continue to use terrorism as an instrument of state policy against India?
  504. If Pakistan had not accepted the demand to stop cross-border infiltration and the United States had not conveyed to us Pakistan’s guarantee to do so, then nothing could have stopped a war.
  505. If parents are the fixed stars in the child’s universe, the vaguely understood, distant but constant celestial spheres, siblings are the dazzling, sometimes scorching comets whizzing nearby.
  506. If particular care and attention is not paid to the ladies, we are determined to foment a rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any laws in which we have no voice, or representation.
  507. If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.
  508. If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm.
  509. If people are given the opportunity to really make a difference in their own lives, their own communities, their own businesses and their own governments, then we can really transform the prospects of life on this planet. We can find ourselves living in a world that is more like the world that I think most of us want to be living in.
  510. If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
  511. If people are honest, they’ll admit that I do have a fan base.
  512. If people are looking forward to my films, then I am happy, and I must be doing something right.
  513. If people are making fun of you then you’re probably doing something right.
  514. If people can just pour into the country illegally, you don’t have a country.
  515. If people continue to feel like Democrats are looking after poor folks and Republicans are looking after rich folks and nobody is looking after me, then we don’t get a lot of stuff done. And the trend lines evidence the fact that folks have gotten squeezed. And obviously, 2007, 2008 really ripped open for people how vulnerable they were.
  516. If people don’t love what you’re doing, that doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
  517. If people enjoy your movies, that’s the most important thing.
  518. If people ever stop making films about India, I’d never work again.
  519. If people like your music, you can’t guarantee they’re going to love you.
  520. If people take anything from my music, it should be motivation to know that anything is possible as long as you keep working at it and don’t back down.
  521. If people want capital gains taxed more like the highest rate on income, that’s a good discussion. Maybe that’s the way to help close the deficit.
  522. If people want to keep their kid on their insurance at 26, fine. We’ve got to make sure no American gets turned back for pre-existing conditions, that’s fine.
  523. If people want to know who I am, it is all in the work.
  524. If people watch ‘Broad City’ very closely, we just drop lines about people we love, just to say we like them.
  525. If people weren’t watching, I’d be so much more eccentric. I know it makes me sound weak, but rather than make myself happy and wear the silly hat and say, ‘Oh, I don’t care,’ I actually really don’t feel like getting made fun of. So I put on something boring and navy and go out and try to disappear.
  526. If people work for me over the years, I expect them to be paid what they’re owed, but I don’t expect them to be paid more than they earn.
  527. If physical death is the price that I must pay to free my white brothers and sisters from a permanent death of the spirit, then nothing can be more redemptive.
  528. If pleasures are greatest in anticipation, just remember that this is also true of trouble.
  529. If poverty were a man, I would have slain him.
  530. If producing a regular column is living out loud, then keeping a daily blog is living at the top of your lungs. For a couple of months there, I was shrieking like a banshee.
  531. If Republicans eliminate Medicare, America will become a country in which you can never retire – and once you physically can no longer work, you are desperately poor until you die.
  532. If Republicans triumph in 2014, it will undoubtedly be as a result of Obamacare. In 2010, Republicans soared to historic victory because the much-maligned Tea Party spearheaded mass resistance to Obama’s takeover of the healthcare industry.
  533. If Romney wants to make me responsible for ObamaCare, I’ve said I would be proud to be responsible for it.
  534. If Sam doesn’t enable conversion tracking for his Shopping campaigns, which bidding option below will be available to him?
  535. If scientists can’t communicate with the public, with policy makers, with one another, the future is going to be held back. We’re not going to have the future that we could have.
  536. If scientists could communicate more in their own voices – in a familiar tone, with a less specialized vocabulary – would a wide range of people understand them better? Would their work be better understood by the general public, policy-makers, funders, and, even in some cases, other scientists?
  537. If sitcoms were easy to write, there’d be a lot of good ones, and there aren’t.
  538. If small things have the power to disturb you, then who you think you are is exactly that: small.
  539. If software’s the only thing in your bag of tools, I’m not going to give you great odds.
  540. If some longing goes unmet, don’t be astonished. We call that Life.
  541. If some modern-day David Brock wanted to defect from the conservative movement and write a tell-all focused solely on the financial chicanery of the entire right-wing nonprofit/think tank/publishing sphere, I would read the absolute heck out of it.
  542. If some people have the belief or view that the Dalai Lama has some miracle power, that’s totally nonsense. I am just one human being.
  543. If some people have the belief or view that the Dalai Lama has some miracle power, that’s totally nonsense.
  544. If some years were added to my life, I would give fifty to the study of the Yi, and then I might come to be without great faults.
  545. If somebody crafts an interesting tweet that’ll lead me to their blog, I’m going to their blog.
  546. If somebody doesn’t want to cook at home or has more family members than they have room for, then it’s great to be in a city that’s got restaurants that are actually busy on the holidays.
  547. If somebody ever says something is a mature theme, it’s bound to not be. I mean, you shouldn’t fall for that. You can make it sound mature, but anything that’s about being mature is pretty immature.
  548. If somebody had said to me in June or July of 1987, ‘We’d like you to become chairman of the Federal Reserve, but you’re never allowed to discuss any economics after you leave,’ I’d have said, ‘Forget it.’ What do they want me to do? Become an anthropologist?’
  549. If somebody thinks they’re a hedgehog, presumably you just give ’em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves.
  550. If somebody wants me to do something I’ve never done, I can do it more easily because of all of the years of sports I’ve played.
  551. If somebody would’ve told me that I was going to lose my legs at the age of 19, I would’ve thought there’s absolutely no way I’d be able to handle that. But then it happened, and I realized that there’s so much more to live for, that my life isn’t about my legs.
  552. If somebody’s dumb enough to ask me to go to a political convention and say something, they’re going to have to take what they get.
  553. If someone busted into your house and robbed you, would you then forgive them if you found out they were a veteran? Of course not. So why are we forgiving McCain for selling out his country by supporting the Bush agenda?
  554. If someone clicks a TrueView video discovery ad, where do they land?
  555. If someone hacks your password, you can change it – as many times as you want. You can’t change your fingerprints. You have only ten of them. And you leave them on everything you touch; they are definitely not a secret.
  556. If someone hacks your password, you can change it – as many times as you want.
  557. If someone has to be the villain, I’ll be the villain. I have no problem with it. The movies still say, ‘Starring… the villain.’
  558. If someone knows me and likes me or my work, they’re more likely to allow me to tell their story. But it also cuts the other way.
  559. If someone offers you a breath mint, accept it.
  560. If someone realises the piece they are wearing is inspired by me then it only broadens my audience.
  561. If someone said, ‘You’ve got to eat your next two meals at American fast-food restaurants,’ I would do one meal at Chipotle and one meal at Popeyes fried chicken.
  562. If someone says something unpleasant, I can’t say it doesn’t smart a bit. It always does. Someone can take a really nasty swipe if they want because it kind of feels powerful for a person to write in a paper and get that thing out there.
  563. If someone starts agreeing with me, I don’t like it. Out of pique, I become something else.
  564. If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliche that must have been left behind in the Sixties, that’s his problem. Love and peace are eternal.
  565. If someone tried to deprive you of your rights, you’ve got to resist it. You’ve got to resent it. You’ve got to fight against it.
  566. If someone was having some surgery that was going to put them out for three months, it’s something you should consider, with a man or a woman. What is the impact of having the C.E.O. or visionary out for three months?
  567. If something can corrupt you, you’re corrupted already.
  568. If something happens and you’re behind, and you get hit in the mouth early like that, you have two options: You can either pack it in mentally and internally and go into survival mode and quit, or you’re going to get up and go to work.
  569. If something is good enough, it can be out there and people will see it.
  570. If something is irrational, that means it won’t work. It’s usually unrealistic.
  571. If something strikes me as funny, I’ll put it in my performance.
  572. If something’s important enough, you should try. Even if you – the probable outcome is failure.
  573. If such a young nation as the U.S. could make it to superpower status, we could do it as well.
  574. If that many people recognize how hard I go every night and what I put into my game, to make myself and my team better, it means a lot to me. I’m fortunate; I’m blessed to be in the situation that I’m in right now.
  575. If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice, I would have English Channels round every country. And the atmosphere would be such that anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
  576. If the audience, in minute 50, is thinking about the way a movie is shot, there’s a problem. I want it to permeate emotionally.
  577. If the audience knew what they wanted then they wouldn’t be the audience, they would be the artist.
  578. If the black vote does not come out in big numbers in the age of Ferguson and voter ID, it will empower our adversaries and enhance our marginalization.
  579. If the characters on ‘The West Wing’ were watching a TV show wherein a character like Trump was leading in the polls, they wouldn’t find it believable.
  580. If the child is left to himself, he will think more and better, if less showily. Let him go and come freely, let him touch real things and combine his impressions for himself.
  581. If the cost-per-thousand impressions (CPM) option is not available for a campaign, the most likely reason is that the campaign:
  582. If the courts regarded tweets and other social media information as private, it would not prevent the law enforcement from getting information it really needs. But the government would have to get a search warrant, which requires it to show that it has probable cause connecting what is being searched to a crime.
  583. If the critics are right that I’ve made all my decisions based on polls, then I must not be very good at reading them.
  584. If the egotist is weak, his egotism is worthless. If the egotist is strong, acute, full of distinctive character, his egotism is precious, and remains a possession of the race.
  585. If the elections are a mere fraud, why are terrorists being trained and infiltrated into India at the command of the Inter-Services Intelligence Agency of Pakistan to kill election candidates and to intimidate voters?
  586. If the euro fails, Europe fails.
  587. If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.
  588. If the FBI gets the ‘back doors’ it wants, Internet services would be required to create a massive online infrastructure for law enforcement to spy on members of the public.
  589. If the federal government had been around when the Creator was putting His hand to this state, Indiana wouldn’t be here. It’d still be waiting for an environmental impact statement.
  590. If the flag of an armed enemy of the U.S. is allowed to fly over government buildings, then it implies that slavery, or at least the threat of slavery, is sanctioned by that government and can still legally exist.
  591. If the goal of health-care reform is to provide comprehensive, universal health care in a cost-effective way, the only honest approach is a single-payer approach.
  592. If the Google Merchandise Store sets up a URL goal of “/ordercomplete” and a Match Type of “Begins with”, which of the following pages on www.googlemerchandisestore.com will NOT count as a goal?
  593. If the grandfather of the grandfather of Jesus had known what was hidden within him, he would have stood humble and awe-struck before his soul.
  594. If the great American people will only keep their temper, on both sides of the line, the troubles will come to an end, and the question which now distracts the country will be settled just as surely as all other difficulties of like character which have originated in this government have been adjusted.
  595. If the Great Way perishes there will morality and duty. When cleverness and knowledge arise great lies will flourish. When relatives fall out with one another there will be filial duty and love. When states are in confusion there will be faithful servants.
  596. If the greatest god is the stillness all the motions add up to, then we must ineluctably be included.
  597. If ‘The Hobbit’ happens – and there’s reason to believe that it will – then I think I’m in with a chance! Gollum is very much part of ‘The Hobbit,’ after all.
  598. If the human race wishes to have a prolonged and indefinite period of material prosperity, they have only got to behave in a peaceful and helpful way toward one another.
  599. If the left half of the brain controls the right hand, and the right half the left, then left-handed people are the only ones in their right minds.
  600. If the machine of government is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then, I say, break the law.
  601. If the media isn’t slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
  602. If the misery of the poor be caused not by the laws of nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin.
  603. If the modes are changing, one goes along with it, I guess.
  604. If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
  605. If the only tool we use to analyse what’s valuable is a price tag, then those things that don’t have price tags begin to look like they have no value.
  606. If the only way you could read an email was to run a mile first, the urge would quickly die. Human beings constantly do subconscious effort/reward calculations. Tapping a screen is the easiest of physical tasks.
  607. If the other person injures you, you may forget the injury; but if you injure him you will always remember.
  608. If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.
  609. If the people are happy, united, wealthy, and powerful, we presume the rest. We conclude that to be good from whence good is derived.
  610. If the people cannot trust their government to do the job for which it exists – to protect them and to promote their common welfare – all else is lost.
  611. If the people of Utah shall peacefully form a State Constitution tolerating polygamy, will the Democracy admit them into the Union?
  612. If the present Congress errs in too much talking, how can it be otherwise in a body to which the people send one hundred and fifty lawyers, whose trade it is to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour?
  613. If the present is really all we have, then the present lasts forever.
  614. If the present world go astray, the cause is in you, in you it is to be sought.
  615. If the press really thinks Obama is Lincoln, they ought to treat him like they treated Bush, ’cause that’s how they treated Lincoln. His critics compared Lincoln to an ape; they called him an illiterate baboon.
  616. If the rabble were lopped off at one end and the aristocrats at the other, all would be well with the country.
  617. If the rate of expansion one second after the Big Bang had been smaller by even one part in a hundred thousand million million, it would have recollapsed before it reached its present size. On the other hand, if it had been greater by a part in a million, the universe would have expanded too rapidly for stars and planets to form.
  618. If the Republicans will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.
  619. If the Soviet Union let another political party come into existence, they would still be a one-party state, because everybody would join the other party.
  620. If the stars should appear but one night every thousand years how man would marvel and stare.
  621. If the structures of the human mind remain unchanged, we will always end up re-creating the same world, the same evils, the same dysfunction.
  622. If the Supreme Court rules that rent control is an unconstitutional taking of property, it would put all sorts of zoning rules in danger.
  623. If the tongue had not been framed for articulation, man would still be a beast in the forest.
  624. If the triangles made a god, they would give him three sides.
  625. If the U.S. can transform its domestic market for HIV/AIDS drugs, it will certainly transform the world market and make HIV/AIDS drugs more affordable for everyone, everywhere.
  626. If the Union is once severed, the line of separation will grow wider and wider, and the controversies which are now debated and settled in the halls of legislation will then be tried in fields of battle and determined by the sword.
  627. If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
  628. If the United States had maintained its spending under Ronald Reagan, it is possible that the attacks of 9/11 – presaged by Islamic terror attacks on multiple American targets beginning with the first bombing of the World Trade Center in 1993 – would have been stopped.
  629. If the United States of America or Britain is having elections, they don’t ask for observers from Africa or from Asia. But when we have elections, they want observers.
  630. If the United States wants access to Chinese, Indian or Vietnamese markets, we must get access to theirs. U.S. protectionism is very subtle but it is very much there.
  631. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning.
  632. If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.
  633. If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
  634. If the world operates as one big market, every employee will compete with every person anywhere in the world who is capable of doing the same job. There are lots of them and many of them are hungry.
  635. If there are differences of views or divergence of ideas, they can be resolved through discussion and dialogue.
  636. If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa, there are also roads that lead to their goal. Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.
  637. If there are people you haven’t forgiven, you’re not going to really awaken. You have to let go.
  638. If there is a country that has committed unspeakable atrocities in the world, it is the United States of America.
  639. If there is a person behaving more destructively in popular culture than Mario Lavandeira, I cannot think of one. He has used cruelty as a crass mechanism to build up his own celebrity and has utilized political correctness to protect himself while using it as a weapon to dehumanize those he doesn’t agree with.
  640. If there is a silver lining in the action of MSNBC against Keith Olbermann, it is that people will now pay more attention to the political role of corporate media in America.
  641. If there is a transmigration of souls then I am not yet on the bottom rung. My life is a hesitation before birth.
  642. If there is anyone who’s living the work of the New Testament, it’s the nuns of the Catholic church and not the Catholic hierarchy.
  643. If there is anything that a man can do well, I say let him do it. Give him a chance.
  644. If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.
  645. If there is ever to be an end to the conflict, the Palestinians must recognize the Jewish people’s right to a homeland and the existence of an independent Jewish state in the homeland of the Jewish people.
  646. If there is no criticism, you become lazy. But it should be constructive, and it should be the truth. If it’s biased and there’s no truth in it, then I don’t care about it. If it’s true, it helps me grow.
  647. If there is no God, everything is permitted.
  648. If there is no struggle, there is no progress.
  649. If there is not the war, you don’t get the great general; if there is not a great occasion, you don’t get a great statesman; if Lincoln had lived in a time of peace, no one would have known his name.
  650. If there is one city apart from Mumbai where I would love to settle down, it has to be Chennai.
  651. If there is one principle more deeply rooted in the mind of every American, it is that we should have nothing to do with conquest.
  652. If there is only one thing in my life that I am proud of, it’s that I’ve never been a kept woman.
  653. If there is something that I respect about the Arabs, it’s the fact that they never change their position.
  654. If there is something to pardon in everything, there is also something to condemn.
  655. If there should prove to be one real, living Free State Democrat in Kansas, I suggest that it might be well to catch him and stuff and preserve his skin as an interesting specimen of that soon-to-be-extinct variety of the genus Democrat.
  656. If there was less sympathy in the world, there would be less trouble in the world.
  657. If there was nothing wrong in the world there wouldn’t be anything for us to do.
  658. If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have a paradise in a few years.
  659. If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.
  660. If there were rankings for press conferences, I wouldn’t have to worry about dropping out of the top five, I hope.
  661. If there were some recipe that would make all of our children really sane and civic-minded and hugely intelligent, I think we’d probably all do it. But I don’t know that there is a recipe for creating that.
  662. If there will be a serious Palestinian prime minister who makes a 100 percent effort to end terrorism, then we can have peace. Each side has to take steps. If terror continues, there will not be an independent Palestinian state. Israel will not accept it, if terror continues.
  663. If there’s a problem, we at Wine Library never tell ourselves that once we handle this issue, we’ll never have to deal with the person again. We talk to every single person as though we’re going to wind up sitting next to that person at his or her mother’s house that night for dinner.
  664. If there’s a silver bullet in the battle to recapture Albany, it is the re-engagement of our citizens. This capital has become a physical metaphor for the isolation and alienation of our people.
  665. If there’s anything you absolutely hate, why, it must be unconstitutional. Or, if there’s anything you absolutely have to have, it must be required by the Constitution. That’s where we are. That is utterly mindless.
  666. If there’s not drama and negativity in my life, all my songs will be really wack and boring or something.
  667. If there’s one organization in the United States that could work on its communication skills, it’s the military.
  668. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s gathering people together to do something fun.
  669. If there’s something that can be formulated, regulated, give you security, then nobody would lose money. Every movie would be successful. And that’s certainly not the case.
  670. If they can look past the fact that I happen to wear mascara on stage – which, by the way, is a ridiculous thing that people have a stigma about – then we promise a good rock show.
  671. If they can make penicillin out of mouldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.
  672. If they let people go fight jiu-jitsu tournaments, they can’t stop me going to fight a boxing fight.
  673. If things don’t go fantastically, you just have to deal with it.
  674. If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
  675. If those committed to the quest fail, they will be forgiven. When lost, they will find another way. The moral imperative of humanism is the endeavor alone, whether successful or not, provided the effort is honorable and failure memorable.
  676. If thy brother wrongs thee, remember not so much his wrong-doing, but more than ever that he is thy brother.
  677. If thy heart fails thee, climb not at all.
  678. If time be of all things the most precious, wasting time must be the greatest prodigality.
  679. If to do were as easy as to know what were good to do, chapels had been churches, and poor men’s cottage princes’ palaces.
  680. If torture is going to be administered as a last resort in the ticking-bomb case, to save enormous numbers of lives, it ought to be done openly, with accountability, with approval by the president of the United States or by a Supreme Court justice.
  681. If triangles had a god, they would give him three sides.
  682. If two people meet and exchange one dollar, both leave with that same one dollar. If two people meet and exchange an idea, both leave with two ideas.
  683. If two scientists are giving their papers at a symposium, and one of them is just naturally better at talking to the public or talking to a group of people, that scientist is liable to get more attention – in fact, I’m told that they do get more attention – than the one who’s a little more stiff about it. Well, that’s not good for science.
  684. If virtue promises happiness, prosperity and peace, then progress in virtue is progress in each of these for to whatever point the perfection of anything brings us, progress is always an approach toward it.
  685. If watching your child die is a parent’s worst nightmare, imagine having to tell your other child that his sister is dead… Although I am certain that he cried, that we all cried, what I remember more is how we collapsed into each other, as if the weight of our loss literally crushed us.
  686. If we accept being talked to any kind of a way, then we are telling ourselves we are not quite worth the best. And if we have the effrontery to talk to anybody with less than courtesy, we tell ourselves and the world we are not very intelligent.
  687. If we all say the same thing, then I think the government has to listen. But because no one is saying it, I become singled out, even though what I’m saying is common sense. It’s very essential values that we all have to protect. But in Chinese society, people are giving up on protecting these values.
  688. If we all understood we can learn from both older and younger people, then we’d have a better world.
  689. If we are going to have self-driving cars, the technical specifications should be quite precise.
  690. If we are going to reverse the race to the bottom, workers must have the right to engage in collective bargaining.
  691. If we are marked to die, we are enough to do our country loss; and if to live, the fewer men, the greater share of honor.
  692. If we are not free, no one will respect us.
  693. If we are serious about moving toward energy independence in a cost-effective way, we should invest in solar energy. If we are serious about cutting air and water pollution and reducing greenhouse gas emissions, we should invest in solar energy.
  694. If we are to go forward, we must go back and rediscover those precious values – that all reality hinges on moral foundations and that all reality has spiritual control.
  695. If we are to teach real peace in this world, and if we are to carry on a real war against war, we shall have to begin with the children.
  696. If we ask a vague question, such as, ‘What is poetry?’ we expect a vague answer, such as, ‘Poetry is the music of words,’ or ‘Poetry is the linguistic correction of disorder.’
  697. If we can but prevent the government from wasting the labours of the people, under the pretence of taking care of them, they must become happy.
  698. If we can make the correct diagnosis, the healing can begin. If we can’t, both our personal health and our economy are doomed.
  699. If we can play like that every week we’ll get some level of consistency.
  700. If we can see past preconceived limitations, then the possibilities are endless.
  701. If we cannot have moral feelings against homosexuality, can we have it against murder? Can we have it against other things?
  702. If we cannot now end our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.
  703. If we choose to keep those tax breaks for millionaires and billionaires, if we choose to keep a tax break for corporate jet owners, if we choose to keep tax breaks for oil and gas companies that are making hundreds of billions of dollars, then that means we’ve got to cut some kids off from getting a college scholarship.
  704. If we command our wealth, we shall be rich and free; if our wealth commands us, we are poor indeed.
  705. If we completely repealed the estate tax, it would provide an estimated $32 billion tax break for the Walton family – the founders of Wal-Mart.
  706. If we could do high-speed rail in California just half a notch above what they’ve done on the Shanghai line in China, and if we had a straight path from L.A. to San Francisco, as well as the milk run, at least that would be progress.
  707. If we could first know where we are, and whither we are tending, we could then better judge what to do, and how to do it.
  708. If we could just find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
  709. If we could muster the same determination and sense of responsibility that saves a country like Japan – or a company like Xerox – then investing to save women and children who are dying in the developing world would be very good business.
  710. If we cut up beasts simply because they cannot prevent us and because we are backing our own side in the struggle for existence, it is only logical to cut up imbeciles, criminals, enemies, or capitalists for the same reasons.
  711. If we didn’t want to upset anyone, we would make films about sewing, but even that could be dangerous. But I think finally, in a film, it is how the balance is and the feelings are. But I think there has to be those contrasts and strong things within a film for the total experience.
  712. If we do discover a complete theory, it should be in time understandable in broad principle by everyone. Then we shall all, philosophers, scientists, and just ordinary people be able to take part in the discussion of why we and the universe exist.
  713. If we do not act quickly, Jaxport will fall behind competitors on the East Coast – and the economic engine that has driven this community for the past decade will be put in danger.
  714. If we do not hang together, we shall surely hang separately.
  715. If we do not lay out ourselves in the service of mankind whom should we serve?
  716. If we do not maintain justice, justice will not maintain us.
  717. If we don’t know life, how can we know death?
  718. If we don’t plant the right things, we will reap the wrong things. It goes without saying. And you don’t have to be, you know, a brilliant biochemist and you don’t have to have an IQ of 150. Just common sense tells you to be kind, ninny, fool. Be kind.
  719. If we don’t preserve the natural resources, you aren’t going to have a sustainable society. This is not something for Chez Panisse and the elite of San Francisco. It’s for everyone.
  720. If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.
  721. If we don’t take effective measures now, the Netherlands could be torn between two extreme rights.
  722. If we drive down the cost of transportation in space, we can do great things.
  723. If we ever forget that we are One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under.
  724. If we examine our thoughts, we shall find them always occupied with the past and the future.
  725. If we had 3 million exhibitionists and only one voyeur, nobody could make any money.
  726. If we had more hell in the pulpit, we would have less hell in the pew.
  727. If we had pursued what President Nixon declared in 1970 as the war on cancer, we would have cured many strains. I think Jack Kemp would be alive today. And that research has saved or prolonged many lives, including mine.
  728. If we have George W. Bush as president, we’re going to go back to the kind of policies we had when his father and Ronald Reagan were president.
  729. If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
  730. If we have white persons in the March, we are certain to have trouble with the Communists, and it may not be viewed as a true expression of the Negro’s protest.
  731. If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
  732. If we long to believe that the stars rise and set for us, that we are the reason there is a Universe, does science do us a disservice in deflating our conceits?
  733. If we look at the past two centuries of economic history in Europe and the United States, we see an astounding pattern. Capital will accumulate in a tiny portion of the population, no matter what we do.
  734. If we look at where relations between the Soviet Union and Germany were in 1945 and where we stand now, then we have achieved so much.
  735. If we lose bees, we may be looking at losing apples and oranges. We may be looking at losing a great deal of other crops, as well, and other animals that depend on those crops.
  736. If we lose games, and I don’t score a lot, they gonna say I’m not scoring enough.
  737. If we lose love and self respect for each other, this is how we finally die.
  738. If we love our country, we should also love our countrymen.
  739. If we mean to have heroes, statesmen and philosophers, we should have learned women.
  740. If we must not act save on a certainty, we ought not to act on religion, for it is not certain. But how many things we do on an uncertainty, sea voyages, battles!
  741. If we only wanted to be happy, it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, and that is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are.
  742. If we open a quarrel between past and present, we shall find that we have lost the future.
  743. If we remind ourselves of the fact that every fifth American today rightly points and perhaps also with a certain degree of pride to his German ancestry or her German ancestry, we can safely say that we, indeed, share common roots.
  744. If we still advise we shall never do.
  745. If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man. All men are frightened. The more intelligent they are, the more they are frightened.
  746. If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat president.
  747. If we turn our backs of the Scythians who have provoked us, how shamefully shall we march against the revolted Bactrians; but if we pass Tanais and make the Scythians feel, by dear experience, that we are invincible, not in Asia only, it is not to be doubted but that Europe itself, as well as Asia, will come within the bounds of our conquests.
  748. If we value what we’ve inherited for free – from other women – surely it’s right morally and ethically for us to wake up and say, ‘I’m a feminist. ‘
  749. If we want children to learn to tend the land and nourish themselves and have conversations at the table, we need to communicate with them in ways that are positive.
  750. If we want technology to serve society rather than enslave it, we have to build systems accessible to all people – be they male or female, young, old, disabled, computer wizards or technophobes.
  751. If we want to discover the full potential in our humanity, we need to celebrate those heartbreaking strengths and those glorious disabilities we all have. It is our humanity and all the potential within it that makes us beautiful.
  752. If we want to fight people in the world, we should fight them with pillows – pillows stuffed with food, medicine, music… That would be so much cheaper than bombs.
  753. If we want to help Google become something meaningfully different in the future, then that’s more likely to happen if we focus on the physical world instead.
  754. If we want to travel into the future, we just need to go fast. Really fast. And I think the only way we’re ever likely to do that is by going into space.
  755. If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it.
  756. If we were poor, we didn’t know it ’cause I guess you don’t miss what you never had. So, you know, we made do with whatever. We used to make our own toys, and we used to play with spinning tops and marbles. A pocket full of marbles, and you were rich – you didn’t worry about no money.
  757. If we were to lose the ability to be emotional, if we were to lose the ability to be angry, to be outraged, we would be robots. And I refuse that.
  758. If we were to wipe out insects alone on this planet, the rest of life and humanity with it would mostly disappear from the land. Within a few months.
  759. If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.
  760. If we’re building high quality companies, if the customers like the products, if the technology innovation is real, then the substance is going to win out in the end.
  761. If we’re destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there’s got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that.
  762. If we’re destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there’s got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world.
  763. If we’re going to have any chance of sending stuff to other star systems, we need to be laser-focused on becoming a multi-planet civilisation.
  764. If we’re going to win the pennant, we’ve got to start thinking we’re not as good as we think we are.
  765. If we’re picking people to draw out of their own conscience and experience a ‘new’ Constitution, we should not look principally for good lawyers. We should look to people who agree with us. When we are in that mode, you realize we have rendered the Constitution useless.
  766. If we’re so cruel to minorities, why do they keep coming here? Why aren’t they sneaking across the Mexican border to make their way to the Taliban?
  767. If we’re talking about big-tent thinking in the Republican Party, I think we’re all going to unite under a consistent economic theory. That’s where our unity is, and that’s what unites us.
  768. If we’re talking about guys who set the tone, you’ve got to go way back. But if we’re talking about guys who made it possible for guys like A.J. Styles, Shawn Michaels kind of opened that door, along with Daniel Bryan.
  769. If we’re talking about transportation, the best thing a city can do is densify as quickly as it can. That needs to be said every time this issue comes up, because it’s the only universal strategy that works.
  770. If what you are doing is not moving you towards your goals, then it’s moving you away from your goals.
  771. If what you’re writing is genuine, regardless of whether it sounds cliche or people wouldn’t necessarily think it’s the most brilliant metaphor in the world, it’s always important to be genuine with what you’re writing; at least, that’s how I feel.
  772. If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
  773. If women dabble in rap but they’re not rappers, to get from dabbling to doing it is really difficult, confidence-wise.
  774. If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
  775. If women want to ensure themselves a meaningful place in the future, they need to be among those determining how the technology will be used. They need to be among those deciding whether it will be the great leveler or simply serve to worsen social divisions.
  776. If women were particular about men’s characters, they would never get married at all.
  777. If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome.
  778. If you aim for parody right off the bat and it misses, no offense to the filmmakers, but it is Meet the Spartans.
  779. If you allow men to use you for your own purposes, they will use you for theirs.
  780. If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.
  781. If you always tell the truth, you never have to rely on your memory.
  782. If you and I are having a single thought of violence or hatred against anyone in the world at this moment, we are contributing to the wounding of the world.
  783. If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry.
  784. If you are chauvinistic mind, you will not be able to take the fact there is a strong, successful girl.
  785. If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit in little matters. Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude.
  786. If you are going to go to Heaven, I’m going to Heaven. But I don’t believe in Heaven.
  787. If you are going to have to play defense all the time, you cannot have the kind of ingenuity, assertiveness, independence, and intelligence which is what has made our country strong.
  788. If you are great, ‘El Topo’ is a great picture. If you are limited, ‘El Topo’ is limited.
  789. If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.
  790. If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.
  791. If you are not living this moment, you are not really living.
  792. If you are not moved by the character, no amount of CGI will give you a performance that is emotionally engaging or devastating – what a live-action performance does.
  793. If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.
  794. If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.
  795. If you are poor, you are not likely to live long.
  796. If you are pro love, you have to be a little bit disloyal to the romantic feelings that propel you in the early days.
  797. If you are sentenced to torture for a crime, yes, that is a cruel punishment. But the mere fact that somebody is tortured is – is unlawful under – under our statutes, but the Constitution happens not to address it, just as it does not address a lot of other horrible things.
  798. If you are surrounded by your competition and you are outworking these people, outmaneuvering these people, it’s hard not to let your confidence take over. It just builds and builds and builds.
  799. If you ask me about my views on the environment, on women’s rights, on gay rights, I am liberal. I don’t have a problem with that at all. Some of my best friends are liberal.
  800. If you ask me what is at the core of what I write, it isn’t about ‘rights’, it’s about justice. Justice is a grand, beautiful, revolutionary idea.
  801. If you ask people what they’ve always wanted to do, most people haven’t done it. That breaks my heart.
  802. If you ask two people to remember a specific event, the stories are going to vary wildly because we always make ourselves out to be the hero.
  803. If you asked me, parents were supposed to affect the life of their child in such a way that the child grows up to be responsible, able to participate in life and in community.
  804. If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
  805. If you believe in an unseen Christ, you will believe in the unseen Christlike potential of others.
  806. If you believe in prayer at all, expect God to hear you. If you do not expect, you will not have. God will not hear you unless you believe He will hear you; but if you believe He will, He will be as good as your faith.
  807. If you believe in science, like I do, you believe that there are certain laws that are always obeyed.
  808. If you believe in what you are doing, then let nothing hold you up in your work. Much of the best work of the world has been done against seeming impossibilities. The thing is to get the work done.
  809. If you believe that discrimination exists, it will.
  810. If you believe that the killing of innocent people is right, then you are not part of my future.
  811. If you believe that you can’t do something, then you’re not going to do it. If you believe you can, and you’re willing to put in the effort and figure out a way to do it, then the majority of the time, you can.
  812. If you break an individual record, it’s because of the greatness that comes before you.
  813. If you calculate 15 minutes a day to shave, that is 5,000 minutes a year spent shaving.
  814. If you call a cat, he may not come. Which doesn’t happen with dogs. They’re different types of animals. Cats are very sexy I think too in the way they move.
  815. If you can be well without health, you may be happy without virtue.
  816. If you can dream it, you can do it.
  817. If you can get the proper definition of trouble, then we can find out who the real troublemakers are.
  818. If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.
  819. If you can just actually let the character be for a bit, then you get the right sense.
  820. If you can live in Paris, maybe you should.
  821. If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not, speak then unto me.
  822. If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.
  823. If you can make people understand why freedom is so important through the arts, that would be a big help.
  824. If you can open people’s hearts first, then maybe people’s minds get opened after that.
  825. If you can speak what you will never hear, if you can write what you will never read, you have done rare things.
  826. If you can talk, you can write.
  827. If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
  828. If you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work.
  829. If you can’t answer a man’s arguments, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
  830. If you can’t appreciate it, you don’t deserve it.
  831. If you can’t be in awe of Mother Nature, there’s something wrong with you.
  832. If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
  833. If you can’t convince, confuse!
  834. If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.
  835. If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
  836. If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
  837. If you can’t make it good, at least make it look good.
  838. If you can’t pronounce a word correctly, just don’t use it.
  839. If you can’t prove it in words, it ain’t gospel. Soul music is just an expression of the mind, but your spirit has to be made alive – that’s the real part, the part that God speaks to.
  840. If you can’t read, it’s going to be hard to realize dreams.
  841. If you can’t say it in three minutes, I don’t want to know about it.
  842. If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It’s the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep.
  843. If you change a woman’s look, you change her persona.
  844. If you check your ego at the door when it comes to comedy, you’ve got a pretty good shot at making a great movie that you can commit yourself to, you can jump off the proverbial cliff with, and have a great time, and the audiences respond to that.
  845. If you choose a target cost-per-acquisition (CPA) of US$15, AdWords will automatically adjust your bids to try to get as many conversions at what amount, on average?
  846. If you choose to do something, then you shouldn’t say it’s a sacrifice, because nobody forced you to do it.
  847. If you claim something, you can own it.
  848. If you clean it up, get analytical, all the subtle joy and emotion you felt in the first place goes flying out the window.
  849. If you condemn someone who has committed a crime to be tortured, that would be unconstitutional.
  850. If you confine it, you’re confining a whole thing. If you make it spontaneous, so that anything can happen, like we don’t want to confine or restrict anything. What we can do, whatever we can let happen, you just let it happen.
  851. If you consider film an art form, as some people do, then the Western would be a truly American art form, much as jazz is.
  852. If you could build a house on a trampoline, that would suit me fine.
  853. If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.
  854. If you could literally ‘rid’ yourself of your problems by voicing them, I’d be all for it. But since that isn’t so, why not reserve the spoken word for functional interactions and witticisms, if not declarations of love?
  855. If you count E-mail, I’m on the Internet all day, every day.
  856. If you create an act, you create a habit. If you create a habit, you create a character. If you create a character, you create a destiny.
  857. If you cry ‘forward’, you must without fail make plain in what direction to go.
  858. If you define a Destination Goal for a newsletter sign-up, and a user completes the newsletter sign-up three times in three separate sessions, how many Goal conversions will Google Analytics count?
  859. If you deny people their own voice, you’ll have no idea of who they were.
  860. If you deserve it, go get it.
  861. If you desire many things, many things will seem few.
  862. If you desire to be good, begin by believing that you are wicked.
  863. If you develop a dialogue with me and take an interest in me, I’ll want to give you the business. It’s human nature.
  864. If you do a scene and you really like a character in it or a premise in it to write it down and to work on it so that you can have five or six characters that you can pull out in an audition.
  865. If you do a Western that’s funny, there’s no way people don’t call it a spoof or a parody, even though it may not be.
  866. If you do anything for 40 years, you can do it comfortably. And it will always be good. But unless you’re willing to risk it being bad, it can never be great.
  867. If you do not believe you can do it then you have no chance at all.
  868. If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it.
  869. If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.
  870. If you do nothing you get nothing.
  871. If you do things well, do them better. Be daring, be first, be different, be just.
  872. If you do things, whether it’s acting or music or painting, do it without fear – that’s my philosophy. Because nobody can arrest you and put you in jail if you paint badly, so there’s nothing to lose.
  873. If you do your fair day’s work, you are certain to get your fair day’s wage – in praise or pudding, whichever happens to suit your taste.
  874. If you don’t acknowledge differences, it’s as bad as stereotyping or reducing someone.
  875. If you don’t address race, then people are like, ‘Why don’t you talk about the elephant in the room?’ But you have to do it right. It can’t be gimmicky.
  876. If you don’t appeal to kids, to the zeitgeist, you get thrown on the scrapheap.
  877. If you don’t believe this election is important, if you think you can sit it out, take a moment to think about the Supreme Court justices that Donald Trump would nominate and what that would mean to civil liberties, equal rights, and the future of our country.
  878. If you don’t die of thirst, there are blessings in the desert. You can be pulled into limitlessness, which we all yearn for, or you can do the beauty of minutiae, the scrimshaw of tiny and precise. The sky is your ocean, and the crystal silence will uplift you like great gospel music, or Neil Young.
  879. If you don’t do it the way coaches ask you to do something, and someone else does it the way it’s supposed to be done, that’s just natural life.
  880. If you don’t fail at least 90 percent of the time, you’re not aiming high enough.
  881. If you don’t get out of the box you’ve been raised in, you won’t understand how much bigger the world is.
  882. If you don’t have a tonne of optimism, you’re not going to make it… you won’t be able to evangelise to everyone else. On the other hand, if you aren’t constantly paranoid about what can go wrong and put plans in place, then you’re going to get bitten at some point.
  883. If you don’t have solid beliefs you cannot build a stable life. Beliefs are like the foundation of a building, and they are the foundation to build your life upon.
  884. If you don’t have sustainable energy, you have unsustainable energy. The fundamental value of a company like Tesla is the degree to which it accelerates the advent of sustainable energy faster than it would otherwise occur.
  885. If you don’t have those moments where you go too far, then you’re probably not going far enough.
  886. If you don’t know where your going you’ll never get there.
  887. If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.
  888. If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.
  889. If you don’t make errors, how can you be conscious?
  890. If you don’t practice you don’t deserve to win.
  891. If you don’t put 99 percent of yourself into the writing, there will be no publishing career. There’s the writer and there’s the author. The author – you don’t ever think about the author. Just think about the writer. So my advice would be, find a way to not care – easier said than done.
  892. If you don’t read it, you don’t know. I mean, that’s why I have a PR team. They read it and tell me if there’s something, and that keeps you focused. I know my family and me well enough; why do I need to read about myself? I’m not going to change, I’m very stubborn in this way. I am what I am.
  893. If you don’t say anything, you won’t be called on to repeat it.
  894. If you don’t succeed on your own ground, then there’s no reason to succeed. Unless, of course, you really want a boat. If you’re a person who feels that with a yacht, everything will be all right, then you should do whatever you have to and get the yacht.
  895. If you don’t treat an ingredient and its flavors with respect – if you drown it in oil, for instance – you’ll spoil it.
  896. If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize.
  897. If you ever go to a music session, you’ll notice that the musicians can sit down and start playing right away, and everyone knows what to do. Of course they’re reading it, but the conductor can tweak little things, and you can take that back to directing motion pictures.
  898. If you ever see The Rock working out in the gym, don’t think you can just go up and disturb his workout and expect him to take a picture. He’s there to work, so kindly just pass the silverback on by or he’ll rip your face off.
  899. If you expect the blessings of God, be kind to His people.
  900. If you fail to pay your minimums for any debt on time, your credit score will take a major hit and you run the risk of seeing the interest rate on all of your cards go up. An easy way to remind yourself to pay, is to sign up to receive your statements via e-mail.
  901. If you feel comfortable in what you’re wearing, you’ll look your best, and I think that’s a really important idea. Sometimes, whether it’s fashion or beauty, things are on-trend, and they look beautiful on the runway, but when I apply them to myself, it doesn’t look the way it should.
  902. If you feel like an outsider, you tend to observe things a lot more.
  903. If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.
  904. If you gain, you gain all. If you lose, you lose nothing. Wager then, without hesitation, that He exists.
  905. If you get a bad review, you take that in your stride.
  906. If you get an opportunity to work with David Simon, anybody with good taste would.
  907. If you get down and quarell everyday, you’re saying prayers to the devil, I say.
  908. If you get good ratings, they’ll cover you even if you have nothing to say.
  909. If you get knocked off your horse, you get right back in the saddle.
  910. If you get up in the morning and think the future is going to be better, it is a bright day. Otherwise, it’s not.
  911. If you give a person a fish, they’ll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they’ll fish for a lifetime.
  912. If you give me a typewriter and I’m having a good day, I can write a scene that will astonish its readers. That will perhaps make them laugh, perhaps make them cry – that will have some emotional clout to it. It doesn’t cost much to do that.
  913. If you go back a few hundred years, what we take for granted today would seem like magic – being able to talk to people over long distances, to transmit images, flying, accessing vast amounts of data like an oracle. These are all things that would have been considered magic a few hundred years ago.
  914. If you go back and watch ‘The French Connection,’ it’s been cannibalized so many times. There are certain movies like that, where you see the original and think, ‘This isn’t so great.’ And the reason it isn’t so great is because everyone has copied it.
  915. If you go back to 1800, everybody was poor. I mean everybody. The Industrial Revolution kicked in, and a lot of countries benefited, but by no means everyone.
  916. If you go from $7 to $15 in a very short period of time, potentially that could have a negative effect on some economies because that is a very big jump. And you’re saying to businesses that employ a large number of minimum wage workers, your payroll is basically going to double. That could have a negative impact. It would have to be studied.
  917. If you go into an academic institution with a clean slate, you are very likely to come out a liberal. That is a huge problem.
  918. If you go looking for enemies then you will find them — the fucking bastards!
  919. If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.
  920. If you grow up in Ireland and read books then you really are obliged to attempt your own some time. It is not exactly a choice. I still don’t know if I am a writer. Believe me, there are days when I have my doubts.
  921. If you grow up playing in church, it removes a lot of the boundaries that other musicians might have, growing up with sheet music or whatever.
  922. If you had a Ministry box set under your Christmas tree, wrapped in paper, ‘From Beer to Eternity’ is the bow that goes around the present, you know what I mean?
  923. If you had to buy a new plane every time you flew somewhere, it would be incredibly expensive.
  924. If you had told me I’d be making 62 tomorrow, I’d say you were lying.
  925. If you had told me ten years ago that I would be able to go and make out with Will Forte one day and then Woody Harrelson the next, it would have blown my mind.
  926. If you hang around long enough, they think you’re good. It’s either my tenacity or stupidity – I’m not sure which.
  927. If you have 50 different plug types, appliances wouldn’t be available and would be very expensive. But once an electric outlet becomes standardized, many companies can design appliances, and competition ensues, creating variety and better prices for consumers.
  928. If you have a government that is elected, they need to do the hard work – because if they don’t, they won’t be around the next time the ballot box is open.
  929. If you have a great business, if you’re great at your craft people should be coming in there. It shouldn’t be this secret.
  930. If you have a great love of singing, supported by others’ fondness for your voice, then it is worth making every effort, of making every sacrifice, to achieve your goal. A great voice will easily find teachers who are willing to help a struggling young talent, and the ways of the Lord are infinite.
  931. If you have a particular faith or religion, that is good. But you can survive without it.
  932. If you have a secret, and it’s embarrassing to you, when you tell that story – you own it. It becomes yours, and no one can use it against you.
  933. If you have a success you have it for the wrong reasons. If you become popular it is always because of the worst aspects of your work.
  934. If you have a vision, do something with it.
  935. If you have an embarrassing story, and it’s a source of shame, keeping it in just compounds the shame and turns the story into something poisonous. And if someone knows about it, then it can be used against you.
  936. If you have an important point to make, don’t try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time – a tremendous whack.
  937. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.
  938. If you have difficulty sleeping or are not getting enough sleep or sleep of good quality, you need to learn the basics of sleep hygiene, make appropriate changes, and possibly consult a sleep expert.
  939. If you have enough people sitting around telling you you’re wonderful, then you start believing you’re fabulous, then someone tells you you stink and you believe that too!
  940. If you have God on your side, everything becomes clear.
  941. If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things that are missing. If you don’t have love in your life, no matter what else there is, it’s not enough.
  942. If you have men who will exclude any of God’s creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men.
  943. If you have no faith, you’ve lost your battle.
  944. If you have one of the worst schools in the city, then chances are the teachers are not going to care for you. Chances are the parents don’t feel seriously about coming to meet with teachers.
  945. If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.
  946. If you have problems of conduct that are difficult and hard to settle, I will furnish you with solutions, for I not only know matters of practice and duty, but I even know them beforehand.
  947. If you have religious faith, very good, you can add on secular ethics, then religious belief, add on it, very good. But even those people who have no interest about religion, okay, it’s not religion, but you can train through education.
  948. If you have set a maximum CPC bid of $1 for your ads, and if the next most competitive bid is only $0.50 for the same ad position, what is the maximum CPC you would need to pay to show your ad – assuming your ad is similar in all other aspects?
  949. If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.
  950. If you have ten thousand regulations you destroy all respect for the law.
  951. If you have the money and you find the one player who can make you win and make the difference, no matter how expensive he is, you should do it. But there are not many players in the world who will make a real difference.
  952. If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it.
  953. If you have your own agenda and your own style and you don’t easily conform to what the masses are doing, you’re looked upon as being difficult. Whereas, I think of it as just being an individual.
  954. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.
  955. If you haven’t had a few dents in your resume, you haven’t tried.
  956. If you hear, day after day, liberals are rooting against armed forces, that is eventually going to have an effect on soldiers and troops who are actually going to believe that and it’s wrong. It’s just wrong.
  957. If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
  958. If you imagine writing 1,000 words a day, which most journalists do, that would be a very long book a year. I don’t manage nearly that… but I have published slightly too much recently.
  959. If you improve or tinker with something long enough, eventually it will break or malfunction.
  960. If you injure your neighbour, better not do it by halves.
  961. If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
  962. If you just casually look at a baby, it doesn’t look like there’s very much going on there, but they know more and learn more than we would ever have thought. Every single minute is incredibly full of thought and novelty. It’s easy as adults to take for granted everything it took to arrive at the state where we are.
  963. If you just, pretty much, take a random 15-month-old, just sit and watch them for 10 minutes and count out how many experiments, how much thinking you see going on, and it will put the most brilliant scientist to shame.
  964. If you just want ten songs to fit somebody else’s script, then I’m not really the composer for that.
  965. If you keep feeling a point that has been sharpened, the point cannot long preserve its sharpness.
  966. If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
  967. If you know how to spend less than you get, you have the philosopher’s stone.
  968. If you know somebody is going to be awfully annoyed by something you write, that’s obviously very satisfying, and if they howl with rage or cry, that’s honey.
  969. If you know that something is true and just, and you give up, that’s when you fail.
  970. If you know what you want to do, as I always loved musicals, and then to have been lucky enough to be successful with them, I think that’s all you can ask isn’t it? I think I don’t really think too much about it. I am a bit shy socially, yeah, I admit that.
  971. If you learn the language of loss early, I think you seek out others who have experienced the same thing, who speak that same language of loss.
  972. If you leave the smallest corner of your head vacant for a moment, other people’s opinions will rush in from all quarters.
  973. If you like a person you say ‘let’s go into business together.’ Man is a social animal after all, but such partnerships are fraught with danger.
  974. If you like good ol’ fashion Southern soul food then, yes, I am a good cook! My specialty is chicken dumplings and poke salad.
  975. If you like it, let it be, and if you don’t please do the same.
  976. If you like standup and decide that it’s overtaking your life and want to hate it, watch 1,000 standup comedians who are trying to get on a TV show.
  977. If you lined up 10 writers and asked them to write a movie about Steve Jobs, you’d get 10 very different movies.
  978. If you live in L.A. long enough, you get into having a cool car.
  979. If you live in the elite world of dance, you find yourself in a world rife with racism. Let’s face it.
  980. If you live only in one culture for the first 20 years of your life, you become conditioned without knowing it.
  981. If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.
  982. If you lock me in the room with a piano teacher for a year I might be able to knock out a rendition of ‘Roll Out The Barrel,’ but will I ever be a concert pianist? No.
  983. If you look at any Muslim society and you make a scale of how developed they are, and how successful the economy is, it’s a straight line. It depends on how much they emancipate their women.
  984. If you look at Arijit Singh, Divya Kumar, and Benny Dayal, they aren’t competing with each other. They have their individual standing and distinct space of work. I want to create that kind of niche for myself.
  985. If you look at ‘Avatar,’ could you imagine if you did ‘Avatar’ for 50 million dollars? It would be ridiculous! You would almost be getting laughs from the audience, unless you got a real indie director to do something incredibly stylised.
  986. If you look at military and intelligence positions from the 1950s, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict has always been against American national interests.
  987. If you look at my career… I couldn’t possibly have chosen those subjects if I was thinking, ‘That’s a great commercial idea.’ I’m not aware of a great musical where someone has done that.
  988. If you look at my life before I went into television, the struggle I went through coming out would be surprising to most people, given how comfortable and how out I am being the only late-night gay talk-show host.
  989. If you look at Myspace, Facebook was a better product. It’s as simple as that.
  990. If you look at old football pictures, the jerseys were hanging, the sleeves were dangling, but now everything is tucked and tailored.
  991. If you look at our current technology level, something strange has to happen to civilisations, and I mean strange in a bad way. And it could be that there are a whole lot of dead, one-planet civilisations.
  992. If you look at shows like ‘Def Comedy Jam’ in its heyday, there were so many really funny, talented black comics that never would have gotten on that show because they just weren’t doing comedy that fit that mold.
  993. If you look at space companies, they’ve failed either because they’ve had a technical solution where success was not a possible outcome, they were unable to attract a critical mass of talent, or they just ran out of money. The finish line is usually a lot further away than you think.
  994. If you look at terrorists, they really have no sense of humor.
  995. If you look at that incredible burst of fantastic characters that emerged in the late 19th century/early 20th century, you can see so many of the fears and hopes of those times embedded in those characters. Even in throwaway bits of contemporary culture you can often find some penetrating insights into the real world around us.
  996. If you look at the best-seller list for American fiction, they’re all sequels to detective stories or stories about hunting serial killers. That’s what’s called American fiction these days.
  997. If you look at the democratic process as a game of chess, there have to be many, many moves before you get to checkmate. And simply because you do not make any checkmate in three moves does not mean it’s stalemate. There’s a vast difference between no checkmate and stalemate. This is what the democratic process is like.
  998. If you look at the newspapers here – the Washington papers – most of the discussion deals with campaign gossip.
  999. If you look at the people who make up the Bravo landscape from Jeff Lewis to Rachel Zoe and Padma Lakshmi and Tabatha Coffey and the ‘Millionaire Matchmaker,’ these are very strong personalities that people love to watch and that you… don’t see anywhere else.
  1000. If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.
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